Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep) Viewers Are Getting What I’ve Been Saying All Along

Nothing has brought in more readers to this site than Ralph Smart.  I have to thank him for that readership.

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At first, I had to endure many nasty, judgemental, accusatory and raunchy comments.  I had so many of them from Ralph Smart Lovers that I’ve stopped reading them or responding to them a few weeks ago now.  It wasn’t until more recently that I’ve seen the sheer numbers of comments on these pieces climbing that curiosity got the better of me and I started to read them before simply trashing them all.  Much to my surprise, many of the current commenters have made it clear that they have been doing their own research as well now because they had noticed something that just wasn’t sitting right with them about Smart and his many, many videos, the repetitious nature of them as well as what appears to them to be “hogwash”, “watered down”, “hocus-pocus” and so many more terms that I can’t even begin to list them.  Suffice it to say that a lot more people are finally becoming suspicious, thinking for themselves now and doing some research.  Many of them are now writing to thank me for doing the research into him, my viewpoint as well as the thought I’ve put into it all.  That’s gratifying especially, with all of the negative, raunchy and un-publishable comments that I’ve had to trash and endure.

For those who think that they know me or anything about me because they stumbled upon my blog through a Google or other search engine search, let me say one thing, “YOU DON’T”.  End of story.

Whether 19 or 95 years of age, people have been slowly figuring out what I had long ago figured out and are asking questions of both Smart and themselves.  Most of them are thanking me for “opening their eyes” or, “validating what they were already feeling” about him.

From my little corner of life, I’m finally finding that my time wasn’t wasted for many who are self-thinking and not following blindly or without questioning for themselves.

Please Note:  I no longer will be publishing or responding to comments regarding Ralph Smart.  Please feel free to read and comment on several hundred other pieces I’ve written and posted over the past 5 years that I’ve been writing on this blog.  Thank you and best wishes.   

 

Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep) Commenters Save Your Breath

Don’t make me do it.  Don’t make me delete my pieces on Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep from Youtube) or worse yet, write an even more blazing set of pieces than I already have written.  Oh GASP!  I can hear the shouts, cries, inflamed souls as well as the  trashy explicatives people would call me for having done it.  They are already echoing in my ears and brain.

I went to the lengths of putting a note on all of my blog pieces about Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep) that I would no longer be reading, publishing or responding to any further comments about those pieces while asking readers to read something else on my blog from the several hundred pieces that I’ve written on differing topics.  Yet, Ralph Smarters or “The Cultists” as I have come to call and know them can’t seem to help themselves.  They have some sort of nagging need to defend this man with oftentimes, vulgar or insulting messages that I wouldn’t lower myself to respond to, let alone, publish for the rest of my readers. That’s telling me that there’s desperation within a good majority of those commenters who are sadly, Ralph Smart followers, living, breathing and taking in his every word.

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I re-paid a visit to Ralph’s channel on Youtube (no links need to be given here as the chap does a good enough job of self-promotion already.)  What I found were his “worshippers”.  Nearly 100% of them who commented on his videos were young, inexperienced, gullible and seemingly, brainwashed by Smart’s constant barrage of videos that he puts out in a week.  It was then that I realized that those who were commenting on my pieces, are in fact, (in their minds) defending their idol.  Smart has turned himself into both an idol for these younger people as well as a cult-leader.

“Seven Day Vegan Challenge.  Can I get a HELLLO?  PEEEACE.  And we ain’t even had breakfast yet.  Slow motion to this side.”

People have accused me of being bitter, salty, hate-filled, jealous, in love with him and a plethora of other idiotic labels because my pieces were not glorifying Smart.  In spite of me having said in many of them that I had once been binge-watching Smart’s videos until I figured out what he was doing to everyone, people still kept pounding at me and continue to do so.  I have written many more pieces since then but, those coming in, do so because they’ve done a search for Smart or info on him and found my blog.  They only read what they see in those pieces that turn up in their search but, nothing else I’ve written in my several hundred pieces over the past 5 years and somehow, ignorantly assume that they know everything about me.  That’s where the nasty, raunchy comments come into play that I trash because they’re not fit for the human eye let alone my readers.

More than anything, I have to wonder what it is that they are really taking away from Smart’s messages.  It seems that their anger, bitterness, hatred and even self-esteem is still rock bottom to write comments as they do.  More to the point, they don’t seem to have gotten any of Smart’s messages.  If they did, they wouldn’t be writing the types of comments that they’ve written.  Then, it hit me squarely in the face.  The answer was right there all along.

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Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep) has given out few, if any, good, loving or helpful messages.

One need only to have seen the sheer numbers of people who have written to Smart and received no answer from him.  The begging, the pleading, the bargaining from these commenters both here and on his videos are pathetically showing the desperation that these followers have within themselves.  These are not necessarily whole, healthy, self-esteemed people.  These are broken or lost youngsters in search of either an idol, someone to tell them how to live their lives or even (in some cases) a parental figure.  However, Smart will charge you an arm and a leg for his time and the ability to talk to him.  Try to the tune of 350 British Pounds for an hour’s worth of time with him that is undefined as to what that session or time with him contains.

Laughable was the fact that the majority of Smart’s followers, are too young to have that kind of money.  He’s aimed his audience at a target group who will only ever follow his free Youtube videos and beg for him to contact them.  It’s sad to see people leaving their email addresses in public, pleading with him to write to them when he barely re-visits their comments.  He’s already moved onto his next video that he releases daily but, they don’t and won’t see that in him.  After all, he’s a role model, an idol, a “Guru” and akin to a cult leader to them.  He’s got the viewers alright but, he’s got the viewers who will likely never purchase a thing from him and that is what he wants…purchases.  He wants his bills paid by them because he doesn’t want to work a 9 to 5 job and has admitted that in many of his videos.  In effect, he wants troubled young people to pay his bills.

Good idea but, wrong crowd, Ralph.

More comical are the words that he utters in most of his videos.

“I’ve been helping millions of people for many, many years now,” he says, never wiping the smile from his face while I can’t stop the laughter coming from mine.

At this writing, Smart is still 30 years old.  He started Infinite Waters Diving Deep as a Youtube channel about 3 or 4 years ago.  So, how many years has he been “helping millions” as he phrases it as though delusional?  The math can speak for itself.

Still un-proven as no one who complains has yet to be able to give me a credible source that actually states that Smart is a real, certified psychologist as he claims.  While we know that he obtained a combined degree in Psychology and Criminology, that B.A. doesn’t make him either a Criminologist nor a Psychologist.  Being a psychologist requires either a PhD or a Master’s degree and at least 3 years doing clinical work as well as writing a board exam to get his license.  To the best of my research, Smart did none of this.

As a matter of fact, the closest that I’ve been able to find of Smart having done anything “clinical” comes in the form of him, having been placed in (yes, I am not joking or exaggerating this point as he admits it on a video of his during his early days linked HERE where he appears almost “manic”) a Psychiatric Ward, himself and given meds.  Don’t believe me?  Watch for yourself.  The link is there, above.  However, it did lead me to question whether above and beyond Smart’s split B.A. in psychology, if he had considered that hospital stay his accreditation in being a “psychologist”.  While I haven’t been in a psychiatric ward of any type even as a visitor for someone else, I have studied psychology myself and, as stated in another piece, I do not consider myself a psychologist because I have accreditation in some psychology education yet, apparently he does.  Again, if anyone has a credible source as to Smart’s accreditation as a psychologist, please let me know and I will reconsider at least that portion of his claims.

Several people have asked me what is wrong with him making money off of his time?  There’s nothing wrong with him doing that however, having said that, he charges an arm and a leg for it.  If you doubt me, as I’ve said in a previous piece, try this converter and see what 350 British Pounds amounts to in your part of the world with THIS CONVERTER.  In my part of the world, with today’s exchange rate, that’s over $576 for one hour.  Even a real psychologist doesn’t get paid that much and how he can expect younger people who make up the bulk of his viewers can afford that is beyond me.

Many have said, “I don’t buy anything off of him.  His Youtube videos are free.  I watch them and get so much out of them.  He makes no money off of them or me.”

I have news for those who think that Smart isn’t making money off of his videos.  Even if you aren’t buying his ridiculously priced, undefined sessions that are without description or merit, his books or his cd’s, Smart makes money off of every click that he gets onto one of his videos from Youtube.  Why do you think that he’d spend the time to put out so many of them?  Do you really believe that he’s doing it out of the goodness of his heart?  How does he pay his bills?  Have you asked yourself those questions?  I’ll bet not.  Yet, you’ll spend the time to write comments on both his videos, begging him to write to you, talk to you or praising him or, you’ll write to me to blast me for what I’ve written about him.  Are you thinking for yourself as you do that?  Can you not see what he’s doing to you and others?  Give him an “A” for marketing.

Finally, if you are reading this, please note that it’s a waste of your time to write to me with raunchy defensive or defending style comments as I will NOT be reading, publishing or responding to them as I’ve posted on the bottoms of the rest of my blog pieces.

From my little corner of life, I’m too busy writing other pieces about other topics and Ralph Smart is of little consequence to me.  What does become my business are the comments that I have to trash every day that a search engine sends to this blog by people who are searching for something on him.  Just what they are searching for is only a guess but, I’d hazard one to say that people are searching for further information on him because they either love him or they are skeptical as I was.  Either way, good luck.  He’s been careful to erase his steps so that you’ll have difficulty finding them on the net.  And, by the way, as far as I have been told by a source, he lives with his sister and mother still. There’s your idol.

And, by the way, I make NO money from this blog nor, do I want to.

I do not hate Ralph Smart nor, do I want to be like him.  I am not jealous nor, in love with him. (I’m old enough to be his mother.  My daughter is older than he is.)  Most of all, I am  far from stupid, a fool, un-enlightened or anything else you can throw in my direction so, hang onto those insults for your enemies in the play-grounds or troll some other place like Twitter.  Trump does it.

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Blessings, Love & Light.

 

 

You Don’t Know Me From My Writing

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Why is it that a blog writer can write piece after piece on all sorts of topics and get no comments, likes or attention however, when there’s a piece that someone disagrees with, there will be comments.  I mean COMMENTS, half or better which are unfit for other human eyes and need to be deleted or dumped into the trash bucket. Poor trash bucket.

There’s a game that bloggers play it seems. They tend to like one another’s blog without having read more than half to one entry.  Sometimes, they don’t read a word.  It’s like an advertising campaign to get another blogger to like their blog in return.  These are not the people I’m talking about here.  They rarely leave nasty comments, if any response at all because that’s not who they are or what they are about nor, why they are around in the first place.  The ones that I’m referring to, are those who have used a search engine to find information, find a piece in a blogger’s blog and proceed to insult the writer.  Oftentimes, the comments are so raunchy that they cannot be approved for the public to read.

In the nearly 5 years now that I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve learned to become a bit more bold in what topics I write about.  Most of my pieces are of the “Opinion” category which technically means that I’m writing my own thoughts and opinions on a topic that either someone else has brought up with me during a week, some news story or perhaps, simply a personal experience that has evoked both thoughts and emotions in me enough to write about them. In other words, my blog is what has been inspired by something or someone who gives me the impetus to write something on it and, even though I have often researched facts for the piece, it’s written from the perspective that I, personally have derived from that topic and those facts or experiences.

When I write something, it’s because I have a) researched the topic and written the piece with what is known at that time about the matter I’ve written about or, b) it’s purely personal opinion or experience.  None of them are invitations for personal insults nor, the type of pathetic comments that I have had to trash because they would cause my blog to become an X-rated place.

The saddest thing of all is that none of the insulting commenters have read many or perhaps, any of the other hundreds of pieces that I’ve written.  They judge me according to the one or two pieces or the singular topic that they’ve chosen to read.

Let me get one thing perfectly straight to those who have comments like that.  Yes, this is the internet and you are somewhat protected behind your computer screens in saying whatever you wish to say.  However, take note that you do NOT know me because you’ve read a piece or two that I’ve written on a topic that you have had interest in reading.  You may think that because of your anonymity behind the net that you’re feeling freer to say what you want to say, let me assure you that I can also see through you with your comments especially, the horrific comments that I’ve had to trash.  Intelligence levels are showing when a commenter decides to defer to personal insults and attacks or crude and rude comments.

Before someone goes off into those types of comments on a post or subject, I invite you to read other pieces I’ve written first.  I can pretty much tell which of the rude or insulting commenters have read what pieces and why they are resorting to such low-level comments or personal attacks.  If they have read more than the one piece and commented on one or more with vulgar or thoughtless statements, they have tied or connected one to another of similar topic or content and think that they know me as a person to attack or simply because it’s easy to sit behind a computer screen bravely insulting the writer.

From my little corner of life, don’t look now but, for those types of commenters, you have shown yourself and painted a picture of who you are that I and others can see right through.

Have a wonderful day and remember…you don’t know me because you’ve read one of my blog pieces.

Blessings

 

Dear Prime Minister Trudeau: A Canadian Letter On Dealing With President Trump

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Dear Justin:

We know that your good looks, charm and ability to awe crowds with your speeches and our money has gotten you as far as The Donald’s rants and lunatic acts have gotten him but, the time has come for you to actually act like Canada’s Prime Minister by standing up for Canadians with Trump at the helm now.

Your endless trips, handing out money all over the globe may have to be curtailed because you have Trump to deal with now and it’s going to take a lot of thinking, not charm or boyish good looks to win this one for the Canadian peoples that you have been sworn in to serve and protect.

It’s a well known fact that Canadians are polite and will try not to ruffle feathers however, that tactic will likely not work on Mr. D.J..  Giving him a congratulations and an extended hand to shake then, traveling off to other foreign countries or yet your 10,000th trip across Canada isn’t going to cut the mustard with a man who has more money than God and a mouth to boot.  Just as you don’t know what you’re doing as Prime Minister because you were never really a politician (no, you can’t count being the son of one), Trump wasn’t either.  Equally, just as Trump got into The White House because voters were fed up with politicians in Washington, you got in because voters up here were fed up with the status quo in the Conservatives.  Oh yes, and your pretty boy smile and muscles and…well….let’s not forget that you have your father’s last name too.

Let’s not forget that Trump is like a bull in a China shop while you’re still playing the role of the nice kid in the playground, giving out candy to be liked.  It isn’t going to work on Trump.  He hates candy and nice kids.  He wants to go out there, build walls around the country and grab women’s p*ssies.  Still want to play ball with him nicely?

Prime Minister Trudeau, do you think that you could grow a pair as well as a real back bone and stand up for the voters in Canada who voted you into office, keeping our rights and wellbeing in mind as you engage in politics with President Trump?  Do you think you could stay in one place long enough (Parliament would be nice) to build a strategy for dealing with Trump when he dumps Canada’s sorry arse into the Atlantic or Pacific ocean or decides that another wall between our two countries would balance out the one he wants Mexico to pay for?  Or, will you simply hand him over the money, straighten your tie, gel your hair and go on with your days in office?  Please don’t try to hone your Twitter skills.  Trump has that down pat already.

Canadians may be a polite bunch, eh?  However, we can guarantee you that there’s enough Canadians who will put on running shoes and march the streets of the major cities in Canada if you aren’t on guard for us.  Despite the cost of gas, our Loonie being worth nothing against the green back, we can still get to those cities to protest loud and clear.  Don’t make us do it, please.

Sincerely,

The Canadian Peoples

 

Happiness Part V: We Know Too Much

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Day in and day out, we are being bombarded with information.  Some of it will be correct and some of it will prove to be incorrect yet, we will absorb it all as though through osmosis.  Whether we are truly paying attention or we’re subliminally and subconsciously picking it up, we have most of that info, rumbling around in our brains somewhere and it’s acting upon us like a slow release pill, coming out in dribs and drabs. It’s likely that we don’t even recognize that info is there or that we’re utilizing it in one way or another.  Our brains are wonderous machines with a filing system that makes computers look like toys.  Reality is, we know far more than we need to know and it’s causing us both stress and distress.  It’s a road block to being happy.

Remember back a few entries ago when the scenario of children being happy was the centre point of that piece?  If not, you can review it here.  Part of the reason that children are generally happy is that they don’t know enough to be un-happy.  Not only have the brains of children not developed enough but, they don’t know enough to be upset, stressed, worried or any of the adult things that we, as adults, have come to learn to do.  They live in moment because they can’t really foresee much trouble in the future.  Ignorance is sometimes, bliss.

Let me give a scenario here that may help demonstrate that point better.

Two men are in a car, stuck on railway tracks.  They cannot move back nor forward.  The elder gentleman in the car has a form of dementia and is busily reminiscing about days gone by that he remembers with fondness.  The younger gentleman, fully able to compute the dangers of what is happening, is trying not to frighten the older man while trying to start the car again with no success.  Off in the distance, he sees the faint lights of an oncoming train and keeps trying to start the car, filled with panic now.  The elder man is completely unaware of what is happening and continues on his trip down memory lane with pure joy and delight, laughter and a smile while beads of sweat drip down the younger man’s forehead.  Finally, in vain, as the train approaches rapidly, the younger man exits the car, opens the door of the passenger’s side and drags the old man out of the car to safety.  The train soon demolishes the car into a tangled heap of metal before coming to a stop.  The young man tries to catch his breath while the elder gentleman simply says, “why did you stop me?  I wasn’t finished my story.”  Both men experienced the same situation.  The difference in their reactions were simply that the younger man knew what was going to happen while the elder man was blissfully unaware of the danger lurking down the tracks.

None of this is to say that we shouldn’t be aware of dangers or ignorant of facts nor, uneducated.  What it is saying is that we are overloaded with information that oftentimes, is false, misleading and most importantly, un-needed.  We can’t be child-like because we now know too much.  As a matter of fact, we know more than we really need to know and that, in and of itself, causes stress, distress and un-happiness.  We are now incapable of simply living in the moment and being amused with simple things like the taste of our coffee, the smell of freshly cut grass, the clouds that are floating past us above, the purr of our cat, the sound of a stream, a song that we love or many other of the most soothing and amusing things in Life.  Instead, we are analyzing everything silly, thinking about what lays ahead, how much damage it’s doing to us and the world, some study that proves that the caffeine in our wonderful tasting coffee can kill us or how the water in our bottle of water might pollute the earth or be polluted by the chemicals in the plastic bottle or wax that lines the paper take-out cup is toxic.  We’re usually reading or listening to the news which is filled with doom and gloom as that is what sells air/paper time and we’re using technology devices such as our cell phones to look up more crazy-making information.  The list is endless as to how information is slowly not only taking away our happiness and ability to be happy but, is potentially causing us stress that will or could kill us sooner or later.

How many shootings do we need to hear about before we can say, “there’s a lot of kids, killing others with guns”?  How many studies have we all heard, read or talked about that eventually get reversed or at the least, changed because newer studies have proven differently and yet, we’ve given up that great tasting coffee or bread or eggs and, it’s now not only ok to have them but, we find out we should have been having them all along as they’re beneficial to us?  How many car accidents do we need to see on the news at night with people we never met, don’t know and never will know before we get the idea that driving a car in today’s world and in traffic or driving distracted or impaired, can kill us? Do we really need 24/7 news stations that cover a story live and have “experts” on panel to discuss every nuance of the situation?

The bottom line is that we have far too much information floating around in our heads that not only don’t serve us beyond simply having a fact/knowledge but, are harming us in one way or another.  It’s all certainly a stumbling block towards being happy.

If you want to feel a bit happier,

  • Turn off the news or put down that newspaper
  • Quit Googling or Binging or whatever search engine you use for a bit
  • Turn off your cell phone or use it to actually CALL a friend or relative and enjoy talking to them instead of texting or ignoring them.
  • Stop taking every study too seriously because it will eventually turn out to be changed or reversed by another that will follow.
  • Either turn up your favourite music and sing or dance with it or, listen to the birds chirping, the stream sounds or your cat purring for a change
  • Watch a comedy or inspirational movie instead of a horror, police or crime show
  • Read a book or story with an inspirational message behind it
  • Buy yourself an adult colouring book and colour for a change.  Heck, get out the crayons and colour a child’s colouring book.
  • Ditch the “Know-It-Alls” who are walking encyclopedias but, are as negative as hell
  • Limit time with or eliminate those people who are bringing you nothing but headaches or demands for you doing something for them
  • Spend more time with people who make you feel good and most of all, make you laugh
  • Get silly. Roll down a hill, play with toys, splash around in a local pool just for the fun of being in water and weightless or buy yourself a teddy bear.  Seriously.
  • Stay out of your head and thinking for even an hour a day.  Just pay attention to things around you that are soothing and relaxing.  If you can’t find that, find them in your memory bank.  They’re there, believe it or not.
  • Be thankful for what you have right now even if it’s not your dream situation
  • Set aside a worry time of 20 minutes where you write your worries out into a dollar store notebook then shut the journal and tell yourself worry time is over until your next planned session then, get on with something light, silly and funny

These are just a few ideas.  There are plenty more.  If you’re going to Google anything, search for ways to have fun.

Stay light, stay laughing, stay away from people or information that brings you down to a stressed out level as much as possible.  Just be.  Be in the moment and enjoy the little things in Life.  Be happy!

Blessings, Love and Light from my little corner of life to yours.

 

Happiness Part III: Can Our Thoughts Create Un-Happiness?

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As adults, we’ve become trained as well as training ourselves, into believing that we are responsible for all that happens in our lives and if we are parents, in our children’s or even spouse’s lives.  That means that we often place the burdens of making everyone happy and taking everyone’s happiness, well-being and other needs onto our own shoulders.

We’ve also learned that “bad things” can happen and often do.  We listen to the news every night which is geared towards only the catastrophic, death, war, politics and we are seeing loved ones, friends and others we cared about, dying.  We have lost that innocence that we possessed as children where the world is magical and besides a scraped knee or a fight with a friend (which usually lasts a whole day or two before playing again with one another), we don’t know that the world can be a hard, cold and harsh place.

If you have been reading my series on being happy, in Part II, I talked briefly about children, our childhoods and generally, most of us were fairly happy.  We found wonder and magic in practically everything that we did.  Of course, there are exceptions to that rule in families that were dysfunctional and children were fearful of every day and what it would bring.  On the whole though, as children, most children are happier than adults for some fairly simple reasons, the least of which is that our brains haven’t been trained or formed enough yet to see that life and this world can be a harsh place to be.

I’m not a neuroscientist nor, do I understand the mechanics of the human psyche or brain.  What I do know is that the way that we think is what affects our moods.  We cannot have an emotion, without having a thought.

Let’s take the example of a husband and wife coming home from work.  Both have put in full days so, they agree that making dinner shouldn’t be left up to one or the other but, should be done together.  There’s equal responsibility happening in this case and dinner is put onto the table.  The husband sits down, looking at what he sees and feels is a delicious looking meal to be eaten with his wife.  His feelings are those of joy and happiness.  The wife, on the other hand, sees the same dinner table, same food yet her feelings are anything but happy or joyful.  As a matter of fact, she has a knot in the pit of her stomach.

They are both facing the same table, same home, same meal, both did the work and both will clean up afterwards.  There’s seemingly no difference, is there?  However, there’s a difference in their feelings.  Why?  What is it that makes two people, facing the exact same situation and circumstances, same responsibilities, feel so differently?  And, no…it’s not because men are from Mars.

The difference is their thoughts.

Husband is thinking thoughts like:

  • “Look at my wife.  I’m so lucky to be able to share this dinner with her tonight.”
  • “Aren’t we lucky to have that slow cooker?  That pork roast looks so delicious.”
  • “After dinner, I’m going to stretch out on the couch and watch the ball game.  I’ve been looking forward to that all day.”
  • “This smells so good and I’m really hungry tonight.  I can’t wait to dive into this dinner.”

Wife is thinking these thoughts:

  • “I should have made just a salad.  Look at the calories in this dinner and the potatoes are carbs galore.  I’ve ruined an entire day’s worth of eating healthy.  There goes my diet.”
  • “I really should put away that slow cooker.  It’s too easy to throw in a roast and add quick side dishes.  I’m getting lazy now with cooking. I’ve been lazy with everything lately.  I’m really a bad person and wife! What is wrong with me?”
  • “After dinner, I’m going to have to get onto that treadmill and work out to burn off some of these calories.  Oh, wait, I can’t.  I told Clara that I’d call her to work out the plans for our bridge get together next week.  Why did I think I should play bridge?”
  • “Now, I’ve lost my appetite.”

Two people with extremes in thinking.  That’s the only difference between the shared experience with one feeling joy and happiness and the other, feeling like they’re having a panic attack.

Happiness is a complex emotion and involves many different mechanisms.  Women cannot think like men necessarily as women have hormones and all sorts of brain wirings (again, I’m not a neurologist or scientist) that men don’t.  Women can be thinking 20 thoughts at once while men are really only focusing on the task at hand for the most part.  That’s not to say that men don’t worry or can’t become obsessive over things too but, it’s to say that the thinking patterns in men and women are different therefore, what a man finds as happiness, a woman may not.  A lot of that will have to do with a difference in thinking patterns and thoughts.  We also can’t include people who have a true mental/emotional disorder or brain chemical imbalance in this but, by and large, most who can’t find happiness, are searching for it when much like The Wizard of Oz, the answer was right there all along, under their noses.  Their thinking patterns.

Change a thought and you change the emotion.

It’s this concept that makes a difference.  Children are generally happier because they don’t know enough to be worried, fretful, concerned, upset etc., at least not for long.  An adult has been trained to see the bad first and the good second.  A child will see almost every moment as an opportunity to find something to make them happy while an adult will usually find something in every moment to be concerned about.  That’s trained into us as we grow and our brains mature.  It’s also part of our experiences but, on the whole, adults tend to be far less happy than children because they’ve trained their thinking patterns into those of worry, fear, upset, self-belittling, catastrophes, blocking out most of the positives in life.  Life and other people teach us to think that way as we grow.  Teachers, bosses, peers, co-workers, media and so much more.  Even Facebook can make us feel like we’re losers because everyone else’s lives seem charmed when looking at their personal walls by comparison.  It’s not them who do it to us.  It’s us.  We know that no one’s lives are as perfect, joyful or seemingly wonderful as what is portrayed on Facebook yet, we still take it at face value on a subconscious basis.  Equally, or more one-dimensional, is the news where it’s filled with disasters, death, wars and creates things to fear.

More than anything, we learn as we grow to become “responsible” and we long since have given up on things that used to make us happy.  We can’t find the time any longer for such trivial things.

We have “too much to do and take care of,” we reason within ourselves. “There’s no time for laying back in the grass, relaxing, watching the clouds and I’d break bones if I rolled down a hill now.  Did I put sunscreen on?  I don’t want skin cancer!”

If you doubt what is being said here, take the time for the next day or two to make a list of the thoughts that run through your mind.  Don’t edit them.  Just write them out.  I’m going to be doing the same thing and, we’ll regather to see if we can see patterns, ok?

In the meanwhile, stay tuned for Part IV on being happy.  It’s coming.

 

Why Facebook Is The Great Illusionist

causes-depression

Unless we have regular contact with people outside of Facebook, we don’t really know our Facebook friends.

Did that sound rather harsh and, you’re disagreeing with me right now saying, “I do know my Facebook friends!”

Let me say this in a different way.

If we aren’t regularly talking to, seeing or meeting with our Facebook friends and we only see them on Facebook, we don’t really know them.  All we know is what they’ve posted on their Facebook walls and, most of that is purely the good things, jokes, videos and happy pictures of them and their other friends or family.  We don’t get to see the other parts of them or their lives and therefore, we don’t really know them.

I tried an experiment this past week.  I asked my Facebook friends if they only post the good in their lives.  The answer was a resounding “yes”.  Reasons ranged from responses such as, “I don’t want to post the bad times on Facebook” to “I only want to see the good because life is hard enough.”

If everyone is only posting jokes or the good in their lives, we are only seeing (in most cases) about half or less of that person’s real life, thoughts and feelings.  That means that over half or better, is hidden.  How can you truly know someone if you’re only seeing a small portion of them or their lives?  The answer is, “you don’t and you can’t”.  That’s often why, when we finally do get a chance to talk to or meet Facebook friends, we find ourselves re-thinking whether or not we like them or we don’t.  More often than not, we’ll find ourselves stunned at how much we don’t like them and will utter things to ourselves or others, “he/she isn’t what I thought.  They are so different on the phone or in person.”

Facebook is a facade.  It’s like Hollywood where everything and anything can be made to appear real but, if we were to go behind the scenes and see how they really did it, we’d be less than impressed with what we were seeing on the screen.  The editing, the special effects, the computer generated backgrounds etc., all make the movie seem realistic.  Getting to see how it was really done, opens our eyes to the fact that the guy who appeared to be able to fly from building to building was only stepping across chairs with a green screen behind him.  For those who know that it’s all effects in a movie, it’s no big deal and nothing but entertainment but, for a child that movie seemed real.

In much the same way as Hollywood produced movies, most people’s walls are nothing but illusion towards the good, happy, fun times.  If you’re vulnerable within yourself or your own life, Facebook can be the absolute worst place to be because everyone else’s lives are going to appear rosy while you’re wallowing in despair.

“What’s wrong with me?  Why isn’t my life going better?  Everyone else is out partying or at family gatherings.  Why am I such a loser,” you may be asking yourself after spending an hour or so, looking at friend’s posts on the Home Feeds.

The reality is, there is nothing wrong with you or your life…at least, not by comparison to your Facebook friend’s lives.  Some may have times when they are out more than you.  Others may seem to have more family and friends.  However, what you’re not seeing them post, are the things that they are dealing with in their own lives.  You’re not seeing the financial problems they are having, the abusive husband/boyfriend or the girlfriend who is threatening to end their lives.  You’re also not seeing that their homes are falling apart but, they spent their money on clothes instead.  There’s very little that you’re seeing on Facebook that would tell you the true story behind people’s lives.  It’s all an edited and carefully selected version of their lives that you’re seeing and not reality or a three dimensional view of them.

If you’re down and feeling depressed about yourself and, or your life, Facebook is not the place to compare yourself to or with.  Your friend’s lives are not that charmed and you’ve been hit by The Devil.  If  you want real life, get out there and into the world where you’ll find a more realistic view of people to compare yourself to.  Talk to people, ask them questions about their lives, listen to their struggles and you’ll often find that you’re not as bad off as you think that you are…at least, not through comparison.  Even with your Facebook friends, private message them and ask them if their lives are really as peachy as they’ve painted it on their walls.  If they know you well enough or are honest people, they will likely tell you that they have problems up the wazoo too.  No one’s lives are as perfect as they are painted on Facebook…which begs the question of what we’re all doing there in the first place?  If things are only one dimensional, jokes or hand picked moments in time, why don’t we simply look at it as a good joke book or cyber space place to post how we wish our lives could be?

From my little corner of life, Facebook should be taken as entertainment only.  It’s not to be taken as reality.  Enjoy the frivolity of it all but, don’t take it seriously and stay away from it when you’re feeling like you’re a failure or you’re down on yourself unless you can look at your friend’s walls as nothing but a fiction story, built around a tad of truth.

Stay healthy, stay well, take Facebook for what it is.  A joke.