Just One of Those Blogging Blah Days

I’m sure every blogger has them.  They’re the days when everything in your life seems like someone pulled the plug out of the bathtub of your life and everything is draining out yet…you don’t have a clue on what to write about that won’t scare off any readers, bore them to tears of have them wondering if you belong in a psychiatric ward, doped on heavy medications.

Yup…I’m having one of those days….months, really.

To make matters worse, it seems that out of everything that I’ve written, Tom Cruise and his marriages seem to be the highest read entries, making everything else seem like a total waste of time and breath.  I’m kind of wishing at this moment that my blog was purely about Tom Cruise.  Problem is, I don’t know the guy or anyone who knows him so the scoops, dishes and dirt on him are as much a mystery to me as they are to everyone who Googles “Tom Cruise” in search of everything they can find out about him.

Really, what do we need to know about Cruise that’s all that fascinating?  He’s had 3 marriages, ruined them all because of his Scientology religious affiliations (where they were using him to begin with as he was a big name that brought attention to the practises of the “church”). His first marriage to Mimi Rogers, who by the way, introduced him to Scientology as her father was part of it.  She was raised on its teachings and the marriage ended by the church’s interference.  That’s how he met Wife number 2, Nicole Kidman.  The church saw to it that Cruise’s philandering ways were heading down the path of meeting Kidman and making her, Wife Number Two. That marriage ended when Cruise’s Scientology involvement became too much for her to deal with and, likely…for other reasons as well.  He has children with his second wife, actress, Nicole Kidman that he’s inducted into the Scientology Hall of Fame and, another child with young actress, Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise…who is terribly spoiled for all intents and purposes and not indoctrinated into the church as mom, Katie, wouldn’t hear of it happening.

Did I say that he’s crazy?  Ok, well…he is. …but, I’ll let you be the judge in this video where he goes off into a rant.  If you can tell me what he’s talking about, please translate for me in the comment section.  I don’t speak Alien.  By the way, if you’re interested in a good laugh, this might be a better video to watch.  It’s a spoof of Cruise’s rant and well done.  There’s actually a few of them.

As a sidenote, rumour has it that Cruise has a “new love”.  Emily Thomas is seemingly, a Katie Holmes “look-a-like” and yes, only 22 years old.  Yes, the now, 54 year old actor seems to like them young.  Maybe, he thinks he’s Noah and going to re-populate the church on his own?  Who knows what runs through the man’s head?  Do we really want to know what runs though his head at all?  Worst of all, who knows what runs through any woman’s head who wants to be with him?  Well, besides money and fame, that is.  However, when they try getting out of the church or the church wants them out, they either have a difficult time of it or, their marriage is meddled with, along with their heads, until they’re running for the hills and keeping their mouths shut.  Mum’s the word, it seems.

EmilyThomas

With that now off of my chest, I digress back to blogging and the effort that it takes to write something coherent and interesting.  I’m in a slump at the moment.  Really, I should stay away from the stats page where I can see the searches that people do and what they are looking for while doing them.

By the way, yes you can eat dessert and lose weight.  I know that’s another popular search many people do.  Type it into the search bar and my piece will come up.  While you’re at it though, would you take a look at some of the other of the pieces that I’ve written?  It might boost my morale for writing a tad again.  Oh yes…and let me know what you think on any of the pieces.  After all, there’s more to this life than Tom Cruise and his marriages.  At least…that’s the way that I see things from my little corner of life.

 

 

 

 

ALL Lives Matter Not Just Black Lives!

The past few days, Toronto, Canada and the world, have had to sit back and watch the antics of a tiny, almost negligible group of self-titled “Queer” Black Activist women, stop a Gay Pride Parade with a sit-in and hold everyone hostage until their “demands” were met by parade organizers, signing their letter in order to get the parade moving.  Their chief gripe was “Black Inclusion” and police “exclusion” from the parade.

I refuse to put up a photo of them here as it only gives that group more attention, which is what they are wanting more than anything else.

It’s hard to even type out the name of this tiny group, started by 2 women who call themselves “activists” but, media keeps giving them attention everywhere they go and therefore, Black Lives Matter-TO, will keep on staging sit-ins and protests with one main theme…Blacks are treated unfairly by police.

Keep in mind that we’re talking about Canada here.  We’re a far-cry from other countries in policing or treatment of the Black Communities.  Are we perfect? No, but this country certainly isn’t “bad” by any means of the word.

This group chose the name of a member of the Black Community who was killed by police over a year ago on which to form a platform.  It was un-justified given that the majority of deaths of members of the Black Community, are killed in cold-blooded murders by other members of the Black Community.  Apparently, Blacks, killing other Blacks with guns and knives in bold, aimed and directed murders by the dozens is “ok” but, let a White police officer kill a member of the Black Community (justified or not) and all hell breaks loose.  Protests, rants, cries of long-gone slavery and mistreatment, again rear their ugly heads as guilt inducers to the White Community.

What’s sad is that White Canadians appear to be the staunchest defenders.  During a 3 day-long Twitterfest’s worth of rants, the most hardened of Tweeters backing this small group’s highjacking of one of the world’s largest Gay Pride Parades for 30 minutes, were Whites who seemed to be saying that they were feeling some form of guilt for being White.

Sadly, while the Black Lives Matter-TO group claimed “victory” in holding up a parade with demands that had little, if anything to do with Gay Pride, what they didn’t see was that they actually did more harm to their cause than they did good.

There are members of the Gay Community on Toronto’s Police Force and to hear that they were no longer welcomed at the parade, no police float and Pride Organizers signed the demand list, prompted police to be upset, angered and have one Homosexual officer write a letter with his feelings towards this topic.  His letter can be read HERE.  In this case, the only things worse than being a White police officer is being a Gay/Black police officer.  Toronto has a Black Police Chief by the way.  Mark Saunders.

What blows this all out of proportion for me is that these activists are promoting “anti-white” thinking.  All of their “Black Rights” propaganda is working against the idea unity of the world with no colours, only people.  They are isolating Black from White or any other colours.  They are pro-Black and seem to be saying “nobody else matters”.  They’ve gone so far as to say that they “own” the phrase “Black Lives Matter” and any take-off on it such as “All Lives Matter” are taken from them.  There isn’t a patent on the phrase with their name on it anywhere but, let them think what they want.  They will anyway.

If members of the Black Communities think that they’re getting a rotten deal, they obviously don’t care about anyone else’s struggles in this world.  One need only look as far as Honour Killings to find horrid atrocities.  Articles like THIS ONE simply make one shake their heads in disbelief that what this particular minuscule group of women are complaining about, is laughable by comparison.  Where is their outrage over situations like this where women are being murdered by their own parents, brothers and family because they married outside of an arranged marriage by their families?  Any gripes that BLM-TO has, pales by comparison to this type of practise and makes their demands and protests all seem laughable.

If the Black Community in Toronto want to be treated differently, they need to stand up to their own children and communities by taking a good, hard and long look at what their own youth are doing rather than blaming police for doing a job that they, themselves wouldn’t want to do.  They need to pinch themselves and remind themselves that if Black youths weren’t out gunning one another down, taking innocent by-standers with them, there wouldn’t need to be police intervention.  If the majority of gang-related troubles weren’t heavily practised by Black youth, police wouldn’t be down their backs or anywhere around them.  The reality is, it’s easier to blame others than to sort out their own dirty laundry first.

Like it or not, this is what I’ve been seeing from my little corner of life and I’m being reminded of it daily as criminal events in my own neighbourhood and the loss of a friend of mine as an innocent by-stander in a running gun fight between members of the Black Community (as they call it) over a “dis” have been in my face with eyes wide open in my own life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can Helping, Caring and Loving Too Much Drive People Away?

If you’ve been following my blog at all, you’ll likely come to recognize that my adult-daughter has taken off to be with a narcissistic, controlling Jerk with severe emotional, social and mental issues who smokes weed and, in reading my last entry, you will know that my husband is somewhat less than a stellar listener, likely locked within his own little world more than 90% of the time.  In other words, I don’t have either of them.

If I were reading my own words, I’d be thinking, “hmmm…must be her.  She’s driving people away!”

Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you were thinking that as I’ve wondered the same thing and asked myself the same thing, over and over and over again, grinding myself into the floor, stomping on myself and beating myself up a bit more just for good measure.

However, after a lot of therapy sessions where I’ve posed this scenario, 10 or more notebooks worth of journalling, 3 copies of cognitive therapy books worn out and replaced each time, I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, it is me that’s to blame.

Now, before you say “ah-ha…thought so…”, let me say that I’m not a Fish Wife, nagger or someone who simply gets under someone else’s skin.  Those aren’t the causes of both my husband and my daughter being as they are with me.  As a matter of fact, you might recognize this “flaw/fault” within yourself too and it may be the reason why some of your relationships are or have been literally, kicking/kicked you in the ass.

I’m going to admit something here that I have been told and are thinking about for a long time.

I mother and help people far too much.

That sounds a lot like back-patting rather than an admission of any blame, fault or flaw, doesn’t it but, let me assure you that it is a wart that drives people away for several reasons.

  1. The people you help come to resent you.  Unbelievably, at some point or another, helping others too much, turns against you because people feel “weak” around you.  They know that you know their weaknesses and they don’t want to be around you once they no longer have the issues that you were helping them with in the first place.  You remind them of those times and no one wants to remember their weakest times especially, if they were chronic.
  2. Mothering everyone is nice when others want and need it but eventually, you actually start becoming too caring, concerned and they see you as being more of a pain-in-the-ass when they want to do things on their own.  As an adult, when someone is constantly swooping in to “clean up the boo-boo’s and make it all better”, people come to a point where your maternal help is more annoying than anything else.  They need to fall and make mistakes, get scrapes and cuts, bruises and broken bones and hearts in order to grow.  If you’re taking that away by softening the blows or preventing their need to do things as grown-ups, you’re stunting their growth and they will resent you for it at some point or another and want to break free of your “smothering”.
  3. You’re seen as controlling even if that’s not your intentions.  You’d think that helping others and mothering them, would somehow endear you to them, wouldn’t you?  However, that’s not the case.  Even the laziest or most inept person on this planet, eventually comes to see someone who is constantly there, helping, hand-holding, telling them how to deal with their issues (no matter how kind-hearted you were in giving it all to them) as “controlling” them.  They eventually come to the point where, again…they feel smothered and come to resent it.  It is looked upon as a form of control on your part rather than a loving gesture or set of gestures.

This is the point where I am at with both my husband and my daughter.  I cared too much. I loved too much.  I couldn’t stand to see either of them fumble, fall, get hurt or be in pain of any kind so, I’d try to help sort things out for them and yes….”mother them” silly.  I gave far too much of myself to both of them and I am paying for it dearly now through both rejection on my daughter’s part and by distancing himself on my husband’s part.

If you truly want people to be in your life fully, STOP CARING SO MUCH!

While that may sound counter-intuitive, it’s not.  It’s what will keep people in your life more than not.  For all of the above reasons, it’s important to take a giant step back from the situation and get yourself in check.  Ask yourself if you really need to help them.  Look at the situation and size it up for what it is.  Slap yourself if you have to but, ask yourself if they fell, got hurt or felt “pain”, would they really fall apart or, would they learn from it?  If you can answer “no, they won’t fall apart and yes, they will learn from it,” remain standing back and let it happen.  If they really want you, they will ask but, stop swooping in like a guardian angel, ready to take over all of their problems for them.  Not only will they learn and grow from it but, they won’t resent you.

I’ve learned a valuable lesson from being hit across the head one too many times.  I don’t intend on continuing to help or mother the world.  I’m turning down the volume on caring quite so much and I’m finding both my blood pressure as well as my anxiety levels dropping.  Carrying everyone else’s issues on your shoulders and making it your responsibility is a heavy load to keep carrying around especially, when you’re losing people anyway.  Something has to give so it may as well be other people’s problems rather than you and your self-esteem.

From my little corner of life, I can see where my energy is better placed and that is…into my own needs, wants and more importantly…me!

 

Does My Husband Really Hear Me Or Is he Ignoring Me?

yelling

It sounds laughable and perhaps, even comical….sometimes….but, for the most part, it’s become more than simply an annoyance when your husband is constantly asking you “what?” after everything you say to him, including long explanations.  There isn’t enough time nor, energy in the world to keep repeating every word you say or have said over a day’s time.  It’s exhausting to say the least.  I’d wring his neck but, it’s illegal.

I’m not joking when I write that everything that I say to the man, literally, has to be said 2, 3 or 4 times before he “hears it” and, I practically have to be yelling where he takes offence.  Worse than that, he has no hearing problems.  I should know because I sent him to have his hearing checked, telling him that I would definitely apologize to him if he did have a hearing impairment.  His tests came back “perfect hearing”.

The man hears what he wants to hear.  If there’s someone he wants to talk to or there’s a ball game on television, in spite of traffic noise that could drown out a fog horn, he hears.

So, what are the potential issues if an audiologist has deemed him with no hearing loss or problems and he can’t hear me when I’m right beside him?

  • The tone of my voice gets drowned out.  Perhaps, there’s a certain frequency that he “tunes out of” and my voice is one of them?  Wouldn’t surprise most women, I’m sure to know that their husbands are quite capable of attuning their brains to only understanding frequencies that don’t match those of their spouses. However, that doesn’t hold water much because I’ve tried changing the pitch of my voice and changing what I’m saying to him.  No winners there.
  • He doesn’t want to hear me ask him to do anything.  That might be a possibility except that I could be saying “dinner is ready” and he doesn’t seem to hear that either.
  • His brain cannot process what his ears pick up. That would fit the bill if he couldn’t comprehend the football, baseball or soccer games via radio or one of his buddies’ phone calls over a small cell phone.  He can understand all that so, I have to assume that it’s not that his brain can’t compute.
  • He’s lost in his own little world and only hears what he selectively wants to hear better than 90% of the time.  This is more than likely the cause of his “hearing loss” when it comes to my voice.

I’m betting that it’s the last idea that is his problem.  He’s likely allowing himself to be lost in an inner world of some making that he only comes out of when it’s convenient for him or, he wants to be out of it because there’s something more interesting for him when out of it.  That must mean that he finds me either terribly boring or, he’s really avoiding responsibilities or being asked to do anything or, that the little world he seems to dwell in, is really exciting.  Or, it could mean that it’s so peaceful in there, being empty that he loves being there.  I’d say it’s exciting but, he doesn’t appear to have many insightful thinking of his own. At least, not from what I hear coming from his mouth to me or anyone else for that matter.  There’s no “light bulb moments” that he has or expresses.  As a matter of fact, he seems to express very little other than surface conversation with anyone I’ve ever seen him talk to.  He also quickly seems to be able to snap out of it when there’s “blame” placed upon him for not doing something because he’s extremely quickly heard every word and responded with an “if you can do better….you do it,” type answer.

Whatever the issue is or, whatever the reason is for him not hearing me or my voice, I’m tired.  Repeating everything 2, 3 or 4 times is totally mind-blowingly exhausting.  I’ve even begun sentences with nonsense words such as “gobbledeegook” to see if he’ll budge an inch.  Nope.  Nothing is said…not even a “what?”  Does that mean that he hears my voice but, could care less about anything that I have to say?  Perhaps, my next sentence should start with…”I’m having a torrid love affair with…..” and wonder if he’ll hear that?  If he claps with glee….he’s been drowning out my voice and is totally tired and fed-up with me.

The real issue here is that I could be in trouble, dying or needing help quickly and the man just doesn’t hear me.  What then?  Is it Life Alert for me next?  May as well.  At least “it” will hear me.

From my little corner of life, I’m wiped right out of trying to talk to him and, likely won’t be uttering more than I absolutely have to anymore.  In fact, any time that I do have to speak to him about anything since we live in the same house, I’m going to be sure to stand 2 inches from his face, literally be up in it, catch his attention speak really slowly, enunciating every word as though speaking to a nearly deaf person and perhaps, between his hearing and lip reading, he’ll get what I’m saying.  I’ll reserve my energy the rest of the time for pillow punching, instead.

Maybe….I just need to run away from home?