Gilmore Girls Is Coming Back!

Yes, it’s official, even star, Lauren Graham has now confirmed that the series that got cut short, is coming back, thanks to Netflix and WB.

Lauren Graham recently posted this Tweet:

“I can now confirm that it’s time for me, and this jacket that I stole in 2007 to return to work.”


Lauren Graham

The show’s original writers, Amy Sherman-Palladino and hubby, Daniel Palladino, will be writing the scripts and are hopefully, busy at doing so as I’m writing this entry.

There’s no real number of episodes put out there yet and it’s likely that some of the original actors/actresses won’t be back but, right now, it seems that the key characters like Lauren Graham (Lorelai), Scott Patterson (Luke), Kelly Bishop (Emily Gilmore), Keiko Agena (Lane) and of course, Alexis Bledel (Rory) will most certainly be back from what has been reported.  Doubtful but, still possible, is Melissa McCarthy (Sookie St. James).

All that this writer can say is “Yay, Netflix.  Bless you!”

No date for the revival has been set yet but, that’s seemingly because the details have just been ironed out with Netflix and WB.

Stay tuned!

Was Celine Dion Showcased At Husband, Rene Angelil’s Funeral?

It was a funeral fit for a king, a high ranking politician or royalty.  A widow, clad completely in black from head to toe, hair pulled back tightly into a mourning style bun, face covered with a mourning veil and an entrance into the cathedral for a funeral mass that would be talked about for decades to come.  It was the funeral for Celine Dion’s former manager and husband, Rene Angelil.


Almost every move made during Angelil’s funeral, appeared more like a Vegas show than a funeral.  It was almost as though in making preparations for his own funeral, he had still wanted Dion showcased so that all eyes would remain on her and, they were.

From the extreme dressing and hairstyle, complete with a mourning veil that few have worn for many decades, Dion stood out as she walked solemnly up to the cathedral doors, mid-centre of her 2 youngest sons, holding their hands, with eldest son in tow but at a rather lofty distance so that his mother would stand out as the grieving widow.  It almost seemed well panned and rehearsed, at least, mentally.

The couple were considered “Quebec, Canadian Royalty” and thus, the Queen was every bit the part both during the visitation but, most spectacularly, during the funeral itself.  This was a State Funeral, usually only reserved for dignitaries and those who were in the political arena.  Angelil was neither but, he received the right to have such a send-off.

Dion and Angelil had been married for some 21 years with 3 children.  She had known him from the time she was 12 years old and had begun a secret affair with him when she was 19 years of age.  At age 26, she married him in every bit the lavish ceremony, at the same cathedral which held his funeral.  No details were spared at either of the glamorous ceremonies.

However, Dion wasn’t Angelil’s only wife nor, were their 3 children, his only children.  Angelil had 2 other wives and 3 other children.  Dion was his 3rd wife yet, there was little, if any, recognition during that funeral of his other 3 children from his first 2 marriages.  Instead, the spot light was almost totally focused solely upon Dion and her 3 children from Angelil.

It may be sounding cold-hearted to state the above in such a manner and most certainly, there was pain and grief within Dion over her husband’s passing.  Not only had he been her husband for a couple of decades but also, he was responsible for Dion’s stardom.  There was much for Dion to grieve in his loss.

What is most striking is that Angelil, being 26 years her senior and having battled cancer for 13 years, it was pretty much inevitable, though not certain, that he would depart this earth before she did.  Yet, the world mourned with Dion at her loss as though Angelil’s death had come as a huge shock and surprise to not only her fans but, also her.  Truth was that Angelil had been in a form of palliative care with a feeding tube for some time before his passing.  He hadn’t been a well man for many, many years.  This shouldn’t have been the appearing shock that it was made out to be.

Not that it makes it any easier to lose someone you dearly love, care and had relied upon but, the entire funeral and almost show-case style funeral would have made Jackie Kennedy roll over in her grave.  Even her own much beloved husband, John Kennedy, shot and killed while sitting beside her in a moving car then, dying in her arms, at a much younger age than Angelil, was less dramatized than Dion and her beloved Rene’s funeral.

That’s show biz for you though.  Dion had been trained from a young age to be on stage and play the role.  She was no stranger to the public and performing and, she certainly didn’t miss the boat in having centre stage with a leading part in this case either.

Said to be “too grief stricken” to attend her brother’s funeral the day after her husband’s extravagant funeral from the same disease, same type at the age of 59, Dion had only shown up for a visitation/memorial service for Daniel Dion but, declined to appear at his funeral.  It was quite the contrast in look to her “Widow Look” the day before.

EXCLUSIVE: Celine Dion with mother & sister arrive to chapel for her Brother's funeral

EXCLUSIVE: Celine Dion arrives with her sister and mom, to the funeral chapel to bury her brother in the town of Charlevoix, Quebec. Her brother, Daniel Dion passed away exactly one week ago, from Cancer. But unlike her husband’s funeral which was attended by thousands and broadcast on television, only a small handful of family members attended today’s affair. In fact, Celine decided to leave her son Rene-Charles, and twin brothers Eddy and Nelson at home.Pictured: celine dion Ref: SPL1213741 230116 EXCLUSIVE
Picture by: R Chiang / Splash News

Splash News and Pictures
Los Angeles: 310-821-2666
New York: 212-619-2666
London: 870-934-2666


What a difference a day makes or perhaps, it was the idea that this funeral wasn’t meant to showcase the singer and couldn’t spot light her as “The Grieving Widow”?  It’s hard to say and it’s certain that people’s hearts went out to the diva in both losses.

It’s hard to remember the Dion isn’t the first to have lost her husband and Angelil’s death was far from the most tragic of deaths.  Many have lost loved ones to far more sudden and shocking deaths, left behind with no money to care for themselves and their children.  It’s hard to be too sympathetic or empathetic when one thinks about it those terms and especially, given the idea that Angelil was nearly 74 years of age at his passing, had lived a full life while he was alive as well as having had luxuries beyond belief, including the ability to gamble massive amounts of money weekly and several huge homes world-wide.

It’s said that Dion has an estimated personal worth of $630 million while Angelil left behind an estimated over $400 million.  That would leave Dion well off, even were Angelil’s estate to have been divided solely amongst his 6 children.  Likely not the case, Dion is now a Billionaire.  She is far from a “hard luck story” with baggage to hold onto, much like many women who lose their husbands tragically and young, left with little to no money.

Enough said but, from my Little Corner of Life, it’s time for the world to go on with our own lives and remember that Dion, while having evoked tears from many of us, will “go on”.  She is well surrounded by many both paid and un-paid, family as well as fans.  She is far from what many widows find themselves facing and dealing with and, it’s a safe bet that we will all hear that she’s with someone new and that she is announcing wedding bells to be run again.  After all, she’s only 47 years old, attractive, sexy, a huge star and, one of the richest singers in the world.  Don’t cry for me Argentina.



Janet Hubert Blasts Jada Pinkett-Smith And Will Smith


Self-named, “Blacktress” Janet Hubert aka “Aunt Viv”, co-star  of “The Fresh Prince of Belair”, blasted former fellow actor, Will Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett-Smith for Pinkett-Smith’s stance towards Black actors and actresses boycotting the 2016 Academy Awards due to a lack of Black Nominees.

Take a watch and decide for yourself what you feel.


Is there retribution coming from the Smiths?

Stay tuned!


Lily White Oscars Boycott?


Chris Rock to host the 88th, 2016 Academy Awards, February 28th

On the heels of the “Black Lives Matter” brigade or bandwagon, comes the protests of certain African American Actors towards the lack of “black actors” nominated for this year’s Academy Awards.  Does one have to do with the other?  Well, let’s not stop there.  There’s allegedly, a Civil Liberties Union who have called for a government investigation into the hiring practises within Hollywood’s film industry, citing that between 2013 and 2014, 82% of movies were directed by white men.  It certainly sounds as though this latest protest towards the Academy Awards may be connected in some way to black “rights” in a lot of areas of life.

During a Martin Luther King Day ceremony, actress Jada Pinkett-Smith and director, Spike Lee, both stated that they were boycotting the awards this year because of the lack of representation of the black population.

Pinkett-Smith said she would not attend because it was the second year in a row, none of the nominations were of black people.  Of course, Pinkett-Smith’s husband, actor, Will Smith was not nominated for an award in the best actor category this year for his role in “Concussion”. Spike Lee’s film, aChicago gang violence hip-hop musical “Chi-Raqand” didn’t make it either.  There were a lot of critics who scorned Lee’s movie.  That leaves the question for these two of whether it could also make it more to do with perhaps, some sour grapes?  It appears that these 2 are the strongest voices in this “protest” against the awards this year.

Spike said he “cannot support” the “lily white” Oscars.

If anyone cares to know the stats on African American/Blacks nominated or having won Academy awards, it’s here.  Forty-four African Americans have been nominated to date.  This will be the 88th year for the awards ceremony so, I guess it will depend upon which vantage point one is taking but, given that African American actors and actresses have only in recent years  been seriously involved in the movie industry, it may or may not be more slanted towards that of a stats point of view?

“African-American actresses and actors are more common on the big screen, but they are still scarce in bigger blockbuster movies, “with the stakes high, many studio executives worry that films that focus on African-American themes risk being too narrow in their appeal to justify the investment. Hollywood has nonetheless shown a willingness in recent years to bank more heavily on African-American actors and themes.” Studio executives explain the lack of presence of the African Americans in supporting or starring roles by stating “only 4 out of 10 movies turn a profit, according to the Association of Motion Picture and Television Producers. But because pictures with nearly all-black casts come along more infrequently, they tend to stand out more when they fail”.  This was according to studio producers.  

It’s estimated that 1 Billion (yes, you read that number correctly), viewers will tune into the 2016 Academy Awards with African American Comedian, Chris Rock as host.

“That 1 billion number isn’t going to change a whole lot if black people didn’t watch,” said Naeemah Clark, a TV analyst who teaches entertainment economics and diversity at Elon University in North Carolina. “But it’s not really about the numbers,” she added Tuesday. “How many more years do we have to be reminded that there are segments of our population who are not being represented?”

It’s hard to say exactly what is meant here by Naeemah Clark.  Is she saying that The Academy needs to throw in African American nominations as “token nominations” to soothe racial tensions?

However, let’s take a quick look at how Oscar Nominations are determined to decipher who gets nominated, how and why.

There are some several thousand members of the Academy who all get to vote on different categories for nomination.  The ballots are cast and they are counted.  The ones with the most votes are the ones nominated.  That’s a very simplified version of the process but, suffice it to say that it’s much like a political election.  Those eligible to vote, vote and the candidates with the most votes, wins.  Actors vote on actors, actresses vote on actresses, directors vote on directors and well, you get the gist.  If you’d like to read more in-depth as to the process, which is more complicated than what this interpretation makes it seem, you can read it here.  

Given how that works, it appears that it’s the members of The Academy (the actors, actresses, directors, producers etc.) who decide who gets both the nominations as well as the winners in each category.  It’s not the general public.  The average Jane and Joe have NO say in who wins these awards.  So, what is that saying?  Actors and actresses, directors and producers…the entire gamut and spectrum within The Academy are chiefly racists?  That’s pretty much what this type of stance is saying.

But, wait a minute here.  If that’s the case, where are the Black members stances in the voting process?  Does that mean that all members of The Academy who are members of the Black population, will ONLY vote for Black members?  Does it mean that there just aren’t enough Black members of The Academy to vote the Black Hollywood Population into nominations and wins? Exactly what is this all saying?

“The black television audience overall is pretty small, as little as 5 million during the Academy Awards, and has fluctuated in the last 10 years,” a quote from The International Business Times is quoted here as saying.

So, even the Black viewers are not much interested in watching The Academy Awards.  Is it because it’s white dominated?  What about years when star-studded people like Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Hudson, Denzel Washington and other big name, Black stars have been nominated?  Do they tend to watch more then or, are they simply not interested in The Awards to begin with?  The Black population makes up about 13.2% of the American population and being about 41.7 million people, how is it that only about 5 million of them, tend to watch in spite of members of the Black Community being nominated during other years?  Who has those stats and reasons/motivations or lack of them?

From my little corner of life, if there is a conspiracy going on for an all white awards ceremony, there shouldn’t be.  However, given all of the above, there appears to more of a bandwagon to jump on for perhaps, sour-graped, Black actors and actresses in Hollywood and they are going to use whatever vehicle they can jump upon.  One thing is for sure though, no one should “cave” to political, race or cultural pressure just because that pressure is there.  Examine the facts first.  If there is a justified and bonafide gripe, fix it.  If not, don’t let political correctness or fear of being considered “racist” be the factor on which things are based.  Do what’s right, not what’s pressured by a group of any kind.

And, maybe, it’s time to just drop the Academy Awards totally?  After all, it’s about Hollywood, honouring Hollywood.  It’s not about the average Jane and Joe giving them the nods or the nays nor the glamorous awards ceremony.  This is Hollywood where everything is made up, including the actors and actresses.



You Shouldn’t Have To Chase People To Hear What’s Going On








I’ve recently had a slew of people in my life, coming to me with their life’s issues, wanting to tell me their entire sordid lot of problems.  I listen, worry, fret and work on how to help them out, only to figure out that there’s been no updates as to the status of those issues since and go on to feel like I’m chasing them down to hear the outcomes or updates.  That’s when I am made to feel as though I am meddling for having followed up with it all.

Well, excuse me for caring!  Isn’t that what you wanted me to do?

Maybe, I am the insane one but, to me, if you’re going to call me with all of your problems and get me caring about you, be prepared to have the common courtesy of at least letting me know that you’ve solved it, moved on or plain and simply have gotten past it.  If I give you the care and time of day to listen to it all, you’d better have the decency to return the concern by saying, “oh, hey…just filling you in….” and give me something to put closure to the situation within myself too.  Otherwise, it’s much like getting caught up in an intense movie, getting to the climax of the plot line and never seeing or knowing the ending.  The adrenalin is there.  The muscles are tensed up.  The want is there but, there’s nothing to relieve those wonderings.

Worst of all, it’s like they’ve disappeared off the planet, never to be gotten ahold of again or until the next drama happens and they find your address or phone number again.

I know all of us just need to vent sometimes and once we’ve done that much, we oftentimes, find a way of dealing with the situation or it resolves itself.  However, when you’ve filled someone who cares, earful of your troubles and woes, recognize that you should at least give that person a shout-out to let them know how it all turned out one way or another.  You obviously knew that they cared or you wouldn’t have called or gotten in touch with them to begin with.  A wall or an old pillow to punch would have suited the same purposes if you didn’t really intend on anyone worrying about your issues and you.  Admit it.  You wanted someone to care and be sympathetic, if not, empathetic.  Misery tends to love company, right?

Worse than that is when I’ve had to chase down those very same people, hours, days and even into weeks later, not only not getting ahold of them or, having them return messages and being concerned enough that my own life has been interrupted in one way or another but, to have that person finally get back to me and give the impression that I’ve somehow “meddled” by asking them how they’re now doing.  It’s like I’ve slapped them in the face and taken up their time.  Of course, apparently, the time they took up in my life and the emotional space that they took up in my life, has no meaning whatsoever it seems.

The last straw on the proverbial camel’s back hit me more recently when a couple of close friends had taken up inordinate amounts of my time, energy, worry, concern and empathy in hearing all of their problems then, had disappeared from my radar for a period of time, leaving me wondering if they were ok, or whether they’d simply solved their issues.  I had to chase them down to find out, only to get a snappy, “yeah, everything’s fine but, I’m busy right now,” response.  It was as though I had laid my problems in their laps, taken up their time, energy, sympathy, empathy and whatever else and they were cutting me off.  Guess what?  They have now worn their welcome out with me on listening to any future issues they may have.  I learned that I cannot take them seriously anymore nor, can I take their worries to heart.  I am not a punching bag and I’m certainly not a wall.

If you have issues with people similarly to this, here are a few tips on how to deal with these types of situations.

  • Recognize who is worthy of your time and energy.  If they haven’t given you their time and energy in equal proportion, don’t give yours to them either.  Be polite and listen to the Reader’s Digest version of their issues but, cut it off there and as quickly as they would with you.
  • Ask yourself if this person is prone to “drama/attention seeking”.  There’s plenty of people out there who thrive on “drama” and just love the attention that it gets them.  If the person laying their issues into your lap is one of those people, run, don’t walk and don’t second guess yourself.  There will be a “Boy Who Cried Wolf” situation or two that you might miss but, trust me, they have plenty of other people they have on strings for this purpose and use on a regular basis.  If you miss a real issue, that’s their problem. Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.
  • Is this person a regular part of your life in good times as well as bad or, are they only around you when they want to bend your ear with their problems or get help somehow?  If someone rarely calls you or gets in contact with you during their good things in life and only contacts you when things are looking like they’re up to their armpits in despair, it’s a good sign that they are relying upon you to listen to their issues only.  If they’re not there to share their good times with you, why should you be there to handle the bad times?  Let those they are around in their good times, be the ones who are there for them during their “bad times” too.  These people have had the benefits, let them have the detriments too.
  • If you’re only hearing the problems and not the outcomes of them, there’s a good chance that you were simply a convenience at that moment and they weren’t truly that upset over things they yapped about at that moment.   People love to just vent their problems at a moment when they’re most upset and more often than not, will do their complaining into your ear, feel better for having done it then, move onto other things once you’re gone, they’re gone or they’ve finished their monologue and gotten your sympathies, agrees or your empathy.  They feel better while leaving you feeling like you’ve been hit by a Mac truck.  Either learn to do other things, letting it all go in one ear and out the other, not letting anything they say, stick or cut them off as soon as possible.  If you have Caller ID on your phone and know that they have a tendency to do this with you already, don’t answer the phone or look at their Facebook messages or emails.  The mere fact (if they’re within person to person contact distance) that they’re not making an effort to get together with you, means that they really just want that ear to blow off steam into and, can’t be bothered to get together with you because it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things to them.  Take that cue.
  • When you find yourself and that little inner voice saying, “why am I listening to this”, you have a sure fired sign that deep, down inside of you, you know this person’s M.O. from past encounters.  Listen to the little voice within you, not them, give a cutoff and get away or try to change the subject if you want to talk to them further.  Don’t let them drone on and on again.
  • If you have to chase them down to find out what happened or what the outcome was, there likely wasn’t anything to be concerned about in the first place.  If this person hasn’t gotten back to you with what’s going on after you’ve listened and tried to help and you don’t know the outcome, don’t chase them down to find out.  Realize that if they got in touch with you to tell their stories of woe to you, they would also get back in touch with you to let you know there were still issues.  Assume that they’ve worked it out somehow or it’s been solved and everything is ok then, learn not to be concerned about them or their troubles any further.  People like that will always seek you out again if they’re still in trouble.  At the very least, they will seek out others.  Let them.  Just take it off of your plate.  They likely have.
  • If you have chased them down to find out and they’re not answering you or they have totally minimized what that was all about at that point or, worst of all, they act like you are taking up their time by following up with them, don’t bother listening to them again after that.  These types of people are “users”.  They will vent to whomever will give them an ear and they have abused your kindness to them.  Don’t extend them any further generosities after that.  If they truly wanted someone to care and cared about the benevolence that you have shown them, they would be thinking, “I’d better update (insert your name here) because she/he was concerned about me”.  If they aren’t concerned enough to inform you about what happened with that situation, they really aren’t all that appreciative of you.  And please, don’t take the old, “I was going to call you and let you know what happened but, I got busy or, I forgot” lines.  That’s crap, bull and translated means, “I am fine, have moved on and didn’t give a flying sh*t what you were thinking or feeling after that.”

Most of all, value yourself and your own time so that people like this won’t take further advantage of you.  You’re not being paid to be their therapists or caregivers and from my little corner of life,  or worry about them.  You don’t owe it to them to find out how something turned out after you’ve given them your time and energy in hearing and listening to it all, trying to help.  That’s their responsibility and courtesy/thanks to you for doing so.  Pay attention to what has happened from here on out and make note of it then, learn from it and let it go.  They have.  Trust me on that one.

Have a great day.  From my corner of life to yours.


Is Gilmore Girls Returning To The Small Screen?

Are they or aren’t they?  Is it true?  Is the famed mother-daughter-love story show,  Gilmore Girls getting a re-boot by both Warner Brothers and Netflix?  Those are the questions swirling through the net and, for those of us who were devoted fans of the beloved show, hearts.

gilmore girls

In October of 2015, rumours ran rampant that Netflix was going into talks with WB over the possibility of a revival of the show that ended far too soon and abruptly in 2007.  It lacked a proper ending to the series and still held a lot of material for a much longer series.  Unfortunately, the writer of the show, Amy Sherman-Palladino had been in a contract dispute with WB’s and the series was wrapped up, having the final season written by someone else.  It stunk, for lack of a better and more succinct way to phrase that.  It fell short on all levels with everything from a dropped set of story lines through to the death of a much beloved and cherished show that television needed and wanted more of.  The rumours remain just that, rumours and, fans are stuck on finding tidbits of info that they can spin into proof that there is reality and hope there of the show returning to the small screen.

During a 2015 June reunion, a good chunk of the original cast, got together on stage to answer questions and re-hash the show in every facet.  Sherman-Palladino stated that the show couldn’t hold up in today’s world so, she wouldn’t consider any further writing nor, entertain any idea of the possibility of a re-boot.  Just months later, the rumours began to swirl (from where, is anyone’s guess and perhaps, just wishful thinking) sending former fans wild with delight.  What’s that saying tv execs?  Netflix and WB…are you listening to the words that are coming out of our fingers?

Listen, if they can resurrect Full House to Fuller House, they can bring back anything.  Not that I didn’t love that show at the time but, I can’t see that it was more wanted as a return show nor, can I see it as more viable to withstand today’s standards than I can see Gilmore Girls being made relevant to today’s standards.  Heaven only knows that we’ve had to endure The Kardashians, Real House Wives, Say Yes To The Dress, The Flash, more cop and crime shows than the world can handle and, supernatural shows as well as ghost hunting sleuth-mediums.  If they can survive, there’s a place for Gilmore Girls re-booted.

To date, there’s still no official word as to whether they will or won’t bring this show back or, whether this was a fan-based, wishful thinking rumour that started on the net somewhere and has snow-balled.  One thing is for sure, there’s certainly a want out there for it.

So, Amy Sherman-Palladino, Netflix, Warner Brothers et al, if you’re not truly thinking of re-booting Gilmore Girls, can you not see the reality behind the want for it across the net and in fan groups all over the world?  What are you waiting for?  There’s more than plenty of viewers out here.  Most of all, not just for 4 ninety minute movie length episodes but, for a full and total re-start of the series in which you can modernize it as well.  Want ideas?  We all have them.

Here’s hoping that there’s reality behind these rumours and we’ll all soon be parking our rears each week to watch the show as we once did.  After all, American Idol is finally ending and from my little corner of life, you can bet you’ll most definitely have the audience for far more than  just 4 movie-length episodes, if in fact that is truth and not simply a rumour.  Here’s to hoping and…maybe a bit of praying.  We’re all wondering what’s taking you so long to confirm this or, deny it.  If you are going to deny it, the question so many fans would like to know is….are you stupid?  We’re here, waiting and ready!



Walk Awhile In My Shoes Before You Judge Me


Over the past several years, my daughter has become a “guru”.  She apparently “knows it all”.  She’s a grown-assed woman now, not a kid so, you’d think that she’d know better but, apparently…her and her boyfriend, have spent enough time “doing the research” on Youtube and various sources on the net, that they both figure that they know everything there is to know about everything.  The problem is, they don’t mince words in telling me how they think we should be or should have been living our lives because…yes, they “know it all”.

My husband and I raised our daughter with tons of praise, encouragement and giving her whatever help she wanted or asked for, wherever and however that was possible.  We both went without and sacrificed things in our own lives in order to give her what she needed so that she had the tools she might require to succeed in Life. For the most part, that seemed to have been appreciated by her for the time she was living with us.

Then, along came a series of lazy, un-driven boyfriends who had seemingly, senses of entitlement by virtue of their own set of thoughts about their parents/childhoods.  It was obvious that they had all become used to manipulating their own parents and suddenly, nothing that my husband or myself did or are doing was of is, “right”.  Out of the blue, we were increasingly being told that we were both “ignorant”, “weak” and “ego-driven”, “requiring professional help”.  Of course, that came at the point where we finally put our foot down on weed being done in our home and let her know that we didn’t exactly appreciate the jerk she was with and his rudeness, arrogance, total lack of respect for not only us, but her.  More key was the idea that we could see how he had totally manipulated and was controlling her and, she was letting him do so.

I’ve questioned a lot of things within myself, as has my husband.  I have been hardest on myself, taking blame for everything and anything that went wrong in her life because since she has been with this messed up, warped, sick, individual and using “psychedelic drugs”, there was apparently, nothing that we, as parents, have done right as parents.

It was only with a tremendous amount of hindsight, soul searching and yes, even professional help sessions that I recognized that I was not to blame nor, was I “weak” or “ego driven” or a “coward” as I had been labelled by both of them.  I wondered what I was doing in a therapist’s office all of this time when it became abundantly clear to me that my daughter never truly has walked in my shoes nor, done what I have done in my life thus far.

My husband’s family had escaped from a communist country when my husband was a child and lived in extreme poverty, working hard, physical, manual work to feed and clothe their children.  They often lived with other people until they could finally save up enough of their hard earned money to purchase a house of their own.  For the rest of their lives, they scrimped and saved to pay off the debt owing and make that house theirs.  They lived modestly and had very few frills.

Myself, I grew up with a dysfunctional and abusive, alcohol riddled home life where we also, had little money most of the time.  Many nights were spent, up all night, listening to fighting and arguing where my brothers and myself, worried our father would die of a second heart attack, having suffered one at the age of 40 through stress and lack of self-care.  We were mentally, emotionally and sometimes, physically abused.  Yet, we still respected our parents because they, themselves, had been through a lot in their own lives.

Both my husband and myself, began working when we were 13 years of age in part time jobs to help out our families and not become burdens.  We worked and paid both of our own ways through university then, continued working both full time and part time jobs after university to buy our own house.

As the years went on, we had our daughter and nursed both of our families as one by one, they began dying of cancers, or wandered with dementia and even took care of my parent’s parents as well as raising our daughter.  Still we had made our daughter Number One in our lives.  For several  years of her life, my husband worked full days as a teacher while I quit my work in the dental field as a dental assistant and lab technician and took on evening and weekend work so that I could be home to look after our daughter days while my husband looked after her while I worked nights and weekends.  At least one of us was always here for her.  It wasn’t easy but, we did it…for her sake.

We were never able to have more children but, we tried to make up for our daughter being an only child and the “Only Child Syndrome” that could set in, by permitting every other child in the neighbourhood she had befriended to practically live in our home, feeding them and not worrying about how much of a mess they made like most parents in the neighbourhood concerned themselves with.

Most of all, both my husband and myself, never wanted our daughter to have to go through what we had not only gone through in our own lives but, were going through as she grew up.  We lauded her with praise when deserved, re-directed her gently when we could see she was heading down a wrong path and generally, tried to spare her worry, fear or abuse of any kind from us.  It has now come to mind that perhaps, that was our greatest mistake in raising her.  She rarely had to deal with much more than her schooling and own wants/needs, friends or what she wanted to do next.  She never did so much as washing dishes, let alone any housework.

While our daughter has abandoned both of us and is no longer speaking to us, having hurled hurtful, totally unwarranted insults at both her father and I, I came to recognize that she had never walked in either of our shoes.  As a matter of fact, she had lived a life that was quite the opposite to what we had lived through.  Neither my husband nor myself were “weak” or “ego driven” as she’s often told us we were.  We were actually both, extremely strong people who had lived through a lot in our lives thus far and I finally came to realize that both our daughter and her boyfriend were spoiled as he is doing the same things with his parents.  It wasn’t us.  It’s them.

It’s clear to me now that none of us know what someone else has been through.  Many of us will judge others according to our own experiences in Life.  We shouldn’t.  None of us know what someone else has been through.  They may simply be hiding it from us or, not able to talk about it or express it to us.  Were we to see that portion of their lives, we may have a totally different view of them.  I believe that we all have stories to tell and until we know what those stories are or, have walked in the other person’s shoes in some way or another, we should never judge someone as “weak”.

From my little corner of life and its many experiences, don’t judge others unless you know their story.  You might be surprised at what a difference that can make.

Have a wonderful day.