Happiness Part III: Can Our Thoughts Create Un-Happiness?

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As adults, we’ve become trained as well as training ourselves, into believing that we are responsible for all that happens in our lives and if we are parents, in our children’s or even spouse’s lives.  That means that we often place the burdens of making everyone happy and taking everyone’s happiness, well-being and other needs onto our own shoulders.

We’ve also learned that “bad things” can happen and often do.  We listen to the news every night which is geared towards only the catastrophic, death, war, politics and we are seeing loved ones, friends and others we cared about, dying.  We have lost that innocence that we possessed as children where the world is magical and besides a scraped knee or a fight with a friend (which usually lasts a whole day or two before playing again with one another), we don’t know that the world can be a hard, cold and harsh place.

If you have been reading my series on being happy, in Part II, I talked briefly about children, our childhoods and generally, most of us were fairly happy.  We found wonder and magic in practically everything that we did.  Of course, there are exceptions to that rule in families that were dysfunctional and children were fearful of every day and what it would bring.  On the whole though, as children, most children are happier than adults for some fairly simple reasons, the least of which is that our brains haven’t been trained or formed enough yet to see that life and this world can be a harsh place to be.

I’m not a neuroscientist nor, do I understand the mechanics of the human psyche or brain.  What I do know is that the way that we think is what affects our moods.  We cannot have an emotion, without having a thought.

Let’s take the example of a husband and wife coming home from work.  Both have put in full days so, they agree that making dinner shouldn’t be left up to one or the other but, should be done together.  There’s equal responsibility happening in this case and dinner is put onto the table.  The husband sits down, looking at what he sees and feels is a delicious looking meal to be eaten with his wife.  His feelings are those of joy and happiness.  The wife, on the other hand, sees the same dinner table, same food yet her feelings are anything but happy or joyful.  As a matter of fact, she has a knot in the pit of her stomach.

They are both facing the same table, same home, same meal, both did the work and both will clean up afterwards.  There’s seemingly no difference, is there?  However, there’s a difference in their feelings.  Why?  What is it that makes two people, facing the exact same situation and circumstances, same responsibilities, feel so differently?  And, no…it’s not because men are from Mars.

The difference is their thoughts.

Husband is thinking thoughts like:

  • “Look at my wife.  I’m so lucky to be able to share this dinner with her tonight.”
  • “Aren’t we lucky to have that slow cooker?  That pork roast looks so delicious.”
  • “After dinner, I’m going to stretch out on the couch and watch the ball game.  I’ve been looking forward to that all day.”
  • “This smells so good and I’m really hungry tonight.  I can’t wait to dive into this dinner.”

Wife is thinking these thoughts:

  • “I should have made just a salad.  Look at the calories in this dinner and the potatoes are carbs galore.  I’ve ruined an entire day’s worth of eating healthy.  There goes my diet.”
  • “I really should put away that slow cooker.  It’s too easy to throw in a roast and add quick side dishes.  I’m getting lazy now with cooking. I’ve been lazy with everything lately.  I’m really a bad person and wife! What is wrong with me?”
  • “After dinner, I’m going to have to get onto that treadmill and work out to burn off some of these calories.  Oh, wait, I can’t.  I told Clara that I’d call her to work out the plans for our bridge get together next week.  Why did I think I should play bridge?”
  • “Now, I’ve lost my appetite.”

Two people with extremes in thinking.  That’s the only difference between the shared experience with one feeling joy and happiness and the other, feeling like they’re having a panic attack.

Happiness is a complex emotion and involves many different mechanisms.  Women cannot think like men necessarily as women have hormones and all sorts of brain wirings (again, I’m not a neurologist or scientist) that men don’t.  Women can be thinking 20 thoughts at once while men are really only focusing on the task at hand for the most part.  That’s not to say that men don’t worry or can’t become obsessive over things too but, it’s to say that the thinking patterns in men and women are different therefore, what a man finds as happiness, a woman may not.  A lot of that will have to do with a difference in thinking patterns and thoughts.  We also can’t include people who have a true mental/emotional disorder or brain chemical imbalance in this but, by and large, most who can’t find happiness, are searching for it when much like The Wizard of Oz, the answer was right there all along, under their noses.  Their thinking patterns.

Change a thought and you change the emotion.

It’s this concept that makes a difference.  Children are generally happier because they don’t know enough to be worried, fretful, concerned, upset etc., at least not for long.  An adult has been trained to see the bad first and the good second.  A child will see almost every moment as an opportunity to find something to make them happy while an adult will usually find something in every moment to be concerned about.  That’s trained into us as we grow and our brains mature.  It’s also part of our experiences but, on the whole, adults tend to be far less happy than children because they’ve trained their thinking patterns into those of worry, fear, upset, self-belittling, catastrophes, blocking out most of the positives in life.  Life and other people teach us to think that way as we grow.  Teachers, bosses, peers, co-workers, media and so much more.  Even Facebook can make us feel like we’re losers because everyone else’s lives seem charmed when looking at their personal walls by comparison.  It’s not them who do it to us.  It’s us.  We know that no one’s lives are as perfect, joyful or seemingly wonderful as what is portrayed on Facebook yet, we still take it at face value on a subconscious basis.  Equally, or more one-dimensional, is the news where it’s filled with disasters, death, wars and creates things to fear.

More than anything, we learn as we grow to become “responsible” and we long since have given up on things that used to make us happy.  We can’t find the time any longer for such trivial things.

We have “too much to do and take care of,” we reason within ourselves. “There’s no time for laying back in the grass, relaxing, watching the clouds and I’d break bones if I rolled down a hill now.  Did I put sunscreen on?  I don’t want skin cancer!”

If you doubt what is being said here, take the time for the next day or two to make a list of the thoughts that run through your mind.  Don’t edit them.  Just write them out.  I’m going to be doing the same thing and, we’ll regather to see if we can see patterns, ok?

In the meanwhile, stay tuned for Part IV on being happy.  It’s coming.

 

Happiness Part II: Childhood Making It Easy

Happiness is not an eternal state of bliss or, walking around feeling totally content, singing out loud with a smile plastered on your face 24/7.  It also doesn’t mean that you are never going to feel down, grief, upset, anger or any of the negative emotions one can think of to insert into the equation.  Happiness is complex and yet simple at the same time.  It’s the state in which one feels that for the most part, one has freedom and a sense of control over one’s life even if only for part of your day.

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I remember summer days seeming eternally long and adventuresome as a child.  Every morning that I opened my eyes was a chance for something wonderful to happen, something magical.  I’d leap out of bed with both eagerness and joy to begin my day. I loved to play out in the sun or making blanket forts, climbing my grandparent’s tree or just laying back in the grass, looking up at the clouds, creating pictures in my mind as to what shapes they formed.  I also took pleasure in eating ice-cold popsicles from the freezer, ice cream cones or tumbling down a hill and the feeling of freedom as I rolled and rolled, seemingly endlessly.  Winter snowball fights were filled with laughs and giggles, unless one struck me on the face and hurt, in which case, I’d run into the house, crying until Mommy told me it was alright and back outside I went to play again.  Jumping in puddles, building snow forts, playing in mud and making mud-pies, splashing in water, letting waves at the beach wash up over my legs and back while I constructed sand castles.  Just about everything I did, made me feel happy back then.

Children have the easiest time being happy and feeling happy.  Part of that reason for that is that they don’t yet have the understanding that things can go wrong in life.  The other part of that reasoning is that children don’t yet have many responsibilities nor, the understanding of what it’s like to have to make decisions which can oftentimes, have serious consequences for themselves and, or others.

Have you ever noticed a child, playing with toys or, frolicking in water, carefree and seemingly amused by simple things in life?  The joy and even concentration that the child shows while participating in such activities can make an adult wonder, “what went wrong with me?  Why am I not happy like that with things anymore?”  The answer, of course, is that we grew up and have had to face the reality of both advanced abilities to think as well as responsibilities that have mounted onto our shoulders.  When was the last time that you saw a child, sitting, pensively worrying about how to pay bills, keep a roof over their heads, food on the table or clothes on their backs?  While we may see a younger person ask questions like, “what’s happening with Grandma?  Is she going to be able to play later on?” we rarely see them worry about it much beyond whatever answers we choose to give to them.  Answers like, “no, Grandma is sick…very sick.  She’s going to Heaven and won’t be here with us anymore soon,” will conjure up perhaps, a sad, curious look on the child’s face and maybe some tears but, neither that look nor the crying  will last long.  For the most part, the child will fairly quickly go back to playing or whatever they were doing previous to asking their question.  Once again, they feel either contented in doing what they are doing or, go back to singing and playing, seemingly happily.  They don’t know enough or haven’t yet trained their minds to worry, fear, feel or understand loss, responsibilities or imagine the consequences of their actions or choices much beyond the idea of “if I don’t go to bed or brush my teeth, Mommy/Daddy will be mad at me.”

As adults, we’ve learned that every choice and decision that we make, has a consequence attached.  Furthermore, we’ve learned that we have responsibilities towards not only ourselves but, to others in this world as well.  One way or another, we are no longer the centre of our universe and there’s no one else who is going to shoulder those choices, responsibilities etc., for us.  That’s where fear comes into play especially, when we doubt ourselves.  We also fear that others will dislike or even hate us if we don’t live up to either their expectations or our own.

A child will feel loved for the most part.  He/she will have faith that someone, somewhere, somehow, loves them for who they are, as they are.  Whether that be Mommy and Daddy or Mommy and Mommy or Daddy and Daddy, a child usually feels loved.  Feeling loved is an important part of feeling happy.  Whether Grandma goes to Heaven or not, is of not much importance as long as Mommy and Daddy love him/her and will be there for him/her.  That’s what’s lacking in most adults.  We don’t feel certain of love nor, our worthiness of being loved.  We tend to doubt it within ourselves to some level or another and that’s where we get into trouble.  We start depending upon other people to mirror back to us what they are feeling towards us in order to know one way or another.  We stop simply feeling worthy of being loved and start relying upon others to let us know if we are worthy of love or not.

In Part I, I mention that relying upon other people or possessions to make us feel happy, is a potential disaster, waiting to happen because at any given time, it can all be taken away from us or, simply disappear and leave us without that safety net or reassurance.  Everything can become an unhealthy dependency.  That’s not to say that we shouldn’t love other people or be able to rely upon them.  Not at all.  What it is saying is that when we base our happiness solely upon other people and our possessions, we are setting ourselves up for a great likelihood of some or all of that being removed from our lives and therefore, we can be left feeling uncertain, helpless, hopeless, far less than worthy as well as unhappy.  In this type of scenario, where we base all of our happiness on other people and, or possessions, we are handing over our own power of being happy to others or things.  We are giving it away but, we need to hold some of that within ourselves and for our own wellbeing.  Happiness comes from within, not others or things.

Back to our child scenario.  As children, we have to depend upon others for our wellbeing.  We cannot cook, do our laundry or tell ourselves what’s dangerous for us to be doing or not doing.  We do have to rely upon others for those types of things as we don’t know enough to be able to function on our own.  Our teddy bears or dolls or blankets that we carry around have become “security” items as well for us and soothe us.  We rely upon possessions for our happiness as well.  There is no choice in the matter but, we don’t know the difference yet.  We don’t know that these things can be taken away from us or us, from them.  We rely upon faith and lack of knowledge that they can leave or be taken away.  Childhood is a magical time where though we have fears, cry, become frustrated, irritated, angry etc., for the most part, we are happy.

How do we find happiness again as adults?  Can it exist?  Is it possible?

Part III coming up soon.

 

 

 

Why Happiness Does Not Come From Other People Or Possessions Part I

If there’s anything that I’ve learned, it’s that happiness does not come in the form of other human beings or possessions.  Both can leave or be taken away in a moment’s notice.

~J.Wilson-Hull~

For years, I had a huge family, friends and while not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, often having to scrounge to pay off bills, I had what I needed for the most part.  I thought I was happy.  Of course, everyone grumbles about something or other, no matter how much we have in our lives but, in all reality, I was secure in my little world.

As the years went on, those in my life whom I had relied upon most, began dying, one by one.  Some passed on at ripe old ages and were expected but, a good majority of them, left this planet at younger ages than one would hope, want or expect.  That included 2, possibly 3, suicides that left those of us left behind in shock, grief and feeling guilt and regret, complicating the grieving process more.  There was scarcely time to recoup from one death before another would hit until eventually, almost everyone I had that made up my secure little world, had gone, vanished to some other realm or perhaps, nothing.

Those who were left, started to become disconnected from one another for the most part.  Sadly, it seemed that if we weren’t attending to our own mourning processes, we simply had nothing left in common with the few who remained.  In other words, the “glue” that had held us all together, had dissolved and left us with pieces that could not be put back together again in the way that we had been accustomed.

It’s ironic how people will find things out about others that we didn’t know once the glitter and lights have been stripped away.  It’s even more baffling as to what we find out about ourselves when we are left with nothing but ourselves to face.  We realize how much of a distraction other people and possessions had created for us not to have to face ourselves, our vulnerabilities and our innermost thoughts, feelings, flaws, warts and all.

More key is the fact that we are forced to face our deepest fears because we are no longer having much else to concentrate on except for ourselves.  We often use others and their needs as an excuse for not looking into ourselves and dealing with the troubling aspects that we might have or might not have known existed within us, let alone dealing with them.  That’s when harsh, cold reality sets in.

What’s added to that is that while we were once focused on so many people or possessions that we didn’t take the time to face ourselves, we also didn’t see other people for who they were or perhaps, that side of them came out afterwards?  It’s kind of like the age old question of which came first, the chicken or the egg?  Only hindsight might tell us but even then, it may be masked because others were doing what you were doing, focusing on others and possessions.

A few things have become clearer to me as I am slowly waking up to reality.

People take care of Number One…Themselves so, you need to take care of you first too.

As selfish as that may sound, the concept is much like the idea of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping someone else put on theirs.  The idea behind that is that if you can’t function, it’s impossible for you to help anyone else.  If you’re constantly running around, trying to help/fix everyone else’s problems, you’re going to wear out and will eventually burn out.  If others have learned that simple concept of taking care of self first, you may find that you’re left behind the 8 ball with no help when you are at your lowest.  Take care of you first, then you can help others but, be careful in  how much help you give others.

Just as we can become dependent upon others for their help and security, others can become dependent upon us.  We all must learn to stand on our own two feet too. 

It’s always nice to have someone or several someones that we can rely upon when we truly need help.  Not many of us are so totally independent that we’re not in need of other people.  However, we also must remember that by relying upon others all of the time for our help or, in causing them to become reliant upon us for their lives, we run the risk of losing that help for one reason or another.  Death is not the only cause.  Moves, fights, illnesses, estrangements, retirements etc., can also be ways in which we lose other’s help and their security.  It’s paramount that we all learn that we have power within ourselves and when we can’t do something for ourselves, there are other people in this world who can help us as well.  There’s no shame in asking for help but, when we become reliant upon certain other people for our wellbeing and lives, we are letting ourselves down.  We may find ourselves incapable of moving forward on our own should those people leave our lives for any reason.  That includes family and friends alike as no one is a sure thing in our lives and, no one is 100% reliable or infallible.

Our happiness and security doesn’t come from others or possessions but rather, it comes from within ourselves.  

Some may have learned this far earlier than I have recognized this fact.  Kudos to those who have done so already.  I have been learning this slowly over time and with losses of both people and possessions that I had built upon as my “happiness”.

Upon the deaths and estrangements once the “glue” was gone in other people, I have learned that reliance upon anyone other than ourselves and our own means for our happiness is bound to be a failing endeavour at some point or another.  People and possessions are not permanent fixtures in our lives, even if it may seem as though they are at the current moment.  People “break” as do possessions and oftentimes, they can’t be fixed nor, replaced.  Relying upon them for our happiness is like relying upon thin ice to hold us up on its surface.  We have to learn that happiness is within us and, other people as well as possessions are simply aids to that happiness not the crux of it.

There’s a good introduction to the topic but, there’s a lot more that I’ve learned along my travels through life that I will share in Part II.  Stay tuned.

 

 

 

 

Who Is Rory’s Baby Daddy On Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life?

It’s been since November 25th, 2016 that we’ve been handed 4 brand new episodes of Gilmore Girls thanks to Netflix being brave enough to have revived it from the ashes like the phoenix.  We are forever grateful to the Powers That Be at Netflix, Warner Bros., the cast of Gilmore Girls and, of course, writers and producers Amy Sherman-Pallidino and hubby, Dan Palladino.  However, enough is enough so, if you haven’t watched these 4 movie-length episodes and don’t know the final 4 words yet, you’re out of luck because even the title of this piece has spoiled it for you.  Now, we need to know who the father of Rory’s baby is, how Rory and Lorelai deal with this baby and so much more.  There’s millions of Gilmore Girls Fans out here, waiting for more Gilmore Girls to be born from ASP and DP’s brilliant minds and Netflix can be the god who makes that happen for us all.  Hint, hint, Netflix.

Netflix has posted what may be a teaser tweet recently that has the millions of Gilmore Girls fans leaping for joy that there could possibly be more Gilmore Girls to come.  Let’s all hope and pray to the television production gods that there are.

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Netflix tweeted this photo with a caption that read, “Where’s an eighth grade science fair when you need one? #GilmoreGirls”

Co-writer and producer, Dan Palladino stated in a recent interview that there were plenty of hints given as to who the father was though Rory seemed to want to go it alone after having visiting her father who wasn’t around for her own childhood much of the time.  She then reveals to her mother, final shot, final famous 4 words, “Mom”, “Yeah?” “I’m pregnant”, fade to black.

“I think a lot of clues are out there,” Dan Palladino said in an interview recently.  “I know with the time passage it wasn’t 100 percent clear, but we also didn’t have her engage with who she thought was the father. She felt like she was going ahead on this, deciding what to do and how to do it solo, that’s why we had her go to her father.”

So, who could the father be?

There were old boyfriends and a new boyfriend who showed up in the 4 episodes as well as a one night stand with a guy in a Wookie costume that we know of thus far.

Let’s look at Dean, (Jared Padalecki).  He was Rory’s first boyfriend in the show.  He showed up for an extremely quick, short scene, married and seemingly uninterested in Rory as anything more than an old friend from Stars Hollow.  Not much even hinted there.  Besides, Padalecki is quite busy starring in his own show, “Supernatural”.  It’s not likely to be him nor, was there any hint or room left for him to be Rory’s love interest, let alone baby daddy.

There was poor Paul, played by Jack Carpenter that no one could remember was ever there, including Rory.  She kept leaving him and having to go back for him.  Even Lorelai, Luke and Grandma Emily couldn’t remember ever having met him though Rory had allegedly been dating him for at least 2 years.  If Rory couldn’t remember him being there when he went to the bathroom, it’s likely that he wasn’t the father of her child.  It seems unlikely that she’d have unzipped her pants and remembered he was in the room, long enough for anything to happen between the 2 of them.  Let’s strike pathetic Paul out as simply the guy who filled a space.

Next candidate we have is Jess Mariano played by Milo Ventimiglia of “This Is Us” fame and now up for a Golden Globe Award for his part in that show.  That means that the show is likely to be going on for at least another season with NBC and Milo (Jess) will be locked into it.  His appearance on the revival 4 episodes was extremely limited and not too revealing as to there being anything between them that could have led to a romantic interlude where Rory would get caught up in a pregnancy.  I think it’s safe to rule Jess out as the sperm donor.

Last but, not least from Rory’s roster of old boyfriends, we have Logan, played by Matt Czuchry.  Logan was Rory’s longest and most deep love.  During the 4 episodes, Rory had been sneaking around to see and sleep with Logan while jet-setting it back and forth between Stars Hollow and London, England where Logan has taken residence to work for his father, in his father’s business and run it.  Uncharacteristically, Rory knows that Logan is engaged to be married to a wealthy woman, likely chosen by the Huntzberger family or his father yet, still sleeps with Logan whenever there, lying to her mother, Lorelai that she’s staying in England with a girl friend.  What is clear though is that while Czuchry was still embroiled in a role with “The Good Wife” at the time this was being filmed, the series is done and Czuchry is now out of work.  Does that mean that he’s Rory’s baby’s father?  It’s an interesting thought but, one has to wonder given that Rory and Logan had lived together during the original series and the plot line never had her pregnant, it’s likely that birth control was taken care of both then and now.  The only time that it could have happened, without warning would have been during Logan’s surprise but, final visit to see Rory in Stars Hollow where she bid him farewell, knowing that he was set to marry “Odette” and didn’t want to keep up the charade of a relationship any longer.  Though, it wouldn’t be Rory’s first indiscretion.  Rory lost her virginity to a married Dean and considered him, hers, not his wife’s.

There’s another possibility that was left in the show.  A one night stand with a “guy dressed in a Wookie costume” which was highly uncharacteristic of Rory to have done but, then again, not much that Rory did in these 4 episodes was characteristic of her character.  Even then, this Wookie character was nothing but a comedic rant for Rory to have given, unless it was Logan, dressed up as a Trekkie and meeting up with Rory as yet, another surprise visit from England?  Not likely but, Logan (Matt Czuchry) does know who the father is as Amy Sherman-Palladino left him with that knowledge.  He won’t reveal that news however, he does hint that there could be more episodes to come as it’s left a lot of unanswered questions and room for a future series to come.  Great timing since “The Good Wife” is ending for a spin-off series that he won’t be involved in apparently.

Finally, there was an outlandish guess by some fans that Rory was acting as a surrogate for Lorelai and Luke’s baby.  I, personally, will dismiss this idea because Luke was abhorred by the idea of anyone else having his child except for Lorelai.  The fact that Luke also considered Rory as his pseudo daughter, would make it far too creepy an idea.  I’m tossing that one out with my empty Diet Pepsi can as I type this right now.

In taking Dan Palladino’s hint that there are hints, though time may have lost them (meaning that they were held back in the original series which would require watching them all again in spite of many of us, having watched them more than 2 or 3 times each), we could let our imaginations run wild in figuring it out.  However, from my little corner of life, I think that there are millions of us out here who are chomping at the bit for there to be more Gilmore Girls and the series to re-start so that we can get more answers and start fresh again in 2017/2018 and beyond.

Netflix, Amy Sherman-Palladino and Dan Palladino…are you listening?  Our voices are screaming out for more Gilmore Girls.

Why You Can’t Ignore Other People’s Thinking Or Feelings Without Consequence

I recently read what one could call an “inspirational” book that had an entire chapter dedicated towards the idea of speaking one’s mind in a non-confrontational way but, getting what one wants.  Within a few hours of finishing that chapter in the book, I was told about a video that contained a similar type of message but, expanded to include the idea that one should only hang around those who have the same ideals and lifestyle that you have.

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We’ve had a few large snow falls lately and my neighbour across the street whom I will call “Jane” had called me, upset and grumpy because her next-door neighbour has been outside with a loud snow blower at 6:30 a.m., clearing his snow from his property almost every morning.  The noise awoke Jane of course and her late shift working husband.  This happened three days in a row and, she was about to lose her cool with this man’s early morning work habits.

The snow blowing wasn’t the only thing this man had been doing early mornings though to get her to this point of frustration.  Summer or warmer days included 6 and 7 a.m. lawn mowing, electric hedge trimming and, a radio, hung in his garage full volume which acted like a megaphone blaring out onto the entire street from 6 or 7 a.m. until roughly noon when his work day was over and everyone was up.  He’d then, take a nap.

I thought about this scenario carefully and thoroughly.

Jane has a back issue and pain in spite of chiropractic care, heavy medications and physiotherapy, often keeps her awake most of the night.  It is often 4 or 5 a.m. before she can simply fall into a bit of a peaceful sleep.  Her husband tries to sleep during the mornings and into early afternoons.  Jane was not only in pain and getting depressed through lack of sleep but, her husband wasn’t getting his much needed sleep either.  Both of them were upset, angry and frustrated with the situation as well as one another. Even I have to admit that this man’s early electronic work habits were also being heard across the street and upsetting myself as well as other neighbours who also aren’t early risers either.  One neighbour has a baby who wasn’t sleeping through the night and needed her sleep when baby slept.  In short, it has been annoying everyone around the neighbourhood.

The video maker that I watched, had endorsed the idea of speaking one’s mind.  He  advocated that people not care what others thought yet, was “hurt” by someone else who felt that what the video maker was doing, was unfair to him as it disrupted his sleep far too early in the morning.  A commenter on this video, had brought up a few good points.  He/she had asked why the video maker was hurt by the fact that someone else had done exactly what the video maker was advocating people do by speaking their mind.  It hit me that the video maker was being unfair in expecting that there should be allowances for the endeavours they were setting out to do.

In my neighbour’s case, the man who was out there making loud noises at 6 and 7 a.m., that was a normal time for him to be out there, working.  He goes to bed at 9:30 or 10 p.m. and he rises at 5 a.m..  For him, 6 or 7 a.m. wasn’t early and he’s retired so, his time is his time.  He can do what he wants, when he wants for the most part.  Like the video maker had pointed out to him by his neighbour, the neighbour in my area didn’t take into consideration that he was not only breaking noise by-laws but, he didn’t take into consideration what everyone else living around him might think or feel.  He was doing as he pleased, as was the video maker in this case.  Truth was, by someone ignoring other people’s possible situations and doing what they wanted, when they wanted, these people were opening themselves up to other individual’s potential anger and the likely hurtful words and actions or reactions that will most likely ensue.

While in theory, it’s all well and good to say “do your own thing, how you want, when you want and not worry about other people or what they have to say,” unless you are living in a cave in the desert with no one else around you, you have to take other people and their circumstances into consideration as well, not just your own.  Not only had the video maker not taken this into consideration but, the neighbour in my case wasn’t doing that either.  As a matter of fact, the video maker had advocated standing his ground and continuing to do what he was doing at 7 and 8 a.m. no matter what effect it was having on his neighbour. Yet, he was talking about feeling hurt by his neighbour’s words while telling viewers to rise above someone else’s circumstances by changing how to think about it all and continuing to do it as wanted.  Wrong idea because I know what happened when the person on my street continued to ignore other people’s feelings, doing what he wanted, when he wanted.  It wasn’t pretty, kind or nice.

First of all, no…you don’t need to bow down to everyone and take their flack or put up with everything that they do and, yes…it is more desirable to just stay out of their way and be with people who don’t annoy you but, that’s not always possible to do.  We have to live next to these people and we have to sometimes, work with these people.  Most of us aren’t retired or living isolated from others.  Nor, is that desirable to do.  We need other people and we do live (most of us) in communities where we will have others to consider in a reasonable manner as to what we do, how we do it and when.  As a matter of fact, the video maker, contradicted themselves in several parts by saying the exact opposites of what was being preached in that video then, telling viewers how to mentally get out of that situation.  How about just stop doing it your way and compromising?  Did that not cross the video maker’s mind?  Apparently not.  It seems that the video maker wanted to do things his way and convert other people to his lifestyle or way of doing things.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch here, (not literally a ranch) it took a group of us to go and speak to this early bird neighbour and let him know that others are not as early a riser as he is and his work habits were ignoring everyone else’s rights to sleep later than him and that we all had reasons why we weren’t up at 5 a.m., ready to hear his snow blower, lawn mower, hedge trimmer or radio blaring by 6 or 7 a.m..  Since he was retired, we asked, could he not do this type of work and leave the radio off until at least 9 or 10 a.m., a more reasonable time for loud equipment, doing something else quiet, instead?  We met with resistance when he declared that it was his wish to get that done when he wanted to do it.  We tried citing the by-laws on the noise factor but that we didn’t wish to call city officials or police but, if he persisted, we’d have no choice but to do so.  What became clear was that he really and truly didn’t care.  He wanted it his way, on his time frame and nothing we said, no explanation was going to change that with him.  This is exactly what the video maker was saying as well about their own choices and yet, couldn’t understand why he had “hurt feelings”.

We still haven’t solved our own issue but, one thing does stand out.  When others don’t care about anyone else but themselves, their own wants and needs and, doesn’t take others into consideration, that’s a recipe for not only disaster but, likely hurt feelings as others shun and get angry.  It’s akin to the 2 year old who is told over and over again to stop jumping on the couch and getting a smack on the bottom or time out because the child persists in doing what he/she wants.  It’s going to happen.  One cannot simply change their thinking to suit what they want to do.  We have to take other’s feelings into consideration to some degree or another in a lot of instances.

One need not become a doormat, always thinking about what others will think or do if we do what we wish to do but, we also can’t simply ignore other’s rights by changing our thinking so that we can continue upsetting others and do what we want.  There’s got to be a balance somewhere and, unless we’re dealing with a difficult person who simply wants to control everything and everyone, we owe it to both ourselves and others to think twice about what we’re doing and how we can change that somehow to compromise to a suitable degree.  One cannot be selfish and expect not to have hurt feelings nor, can one always move away from those who bug us or don’t live as we do as the video maker would have us believe.  That’s narcissism from my perspective in my little corner of life.

Love, Light and Blessings.

 

 

Message To Ralph Smart/Infinite Waters Diving Deep Lovers Who Send Me Infantile Comments

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I get tons of comments every day on the pieces that I’ve written about Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep).  Most of it is “hate mail” and a lot of it is so raunchy, poorly worded, taunting or plainly infantile trash that I deleted them because it’s not fit for human eyes or minds.

First things first.  If you’re that passionate about Smart and his videos, by all means, go watch them.  I’m not stopping you, am I?  If I am, then it’s because you’re already questioning his videos and motives, yourselves.  However, I can say that judging by the types of comments that I have to trash every day, not many of his faithful watchers seem to be getting his messages. The kinds of hate, anger and less than spiritual type of comments being sent are not at all what is being preached by Smart.  You are obviously not getting him or his messages and it is showing clearly in these types of comments.  If you write to me with raunchy, hate-filled or even taunting style comments, I trash them.  I don’t even finish reading them myself.  You’ve wasted your time.

Secondly, for those who would love to think that my pieces on Smart are because I “want to be like him”, am “jealous” of him or, would “love to make the money he’s making”, think again and re-read my pieces on him. You obviously didn’t get my points either nor, do you know what my life is about, how much money I have or what else I do, do you? Again, it’s like a dog barking up a wrong tree.  Most of all, had you read anything of the hundreds of pieces that I’ve written, you’d recognize that Ralph Smart or Infinite Waters Diving Deep, is nothing but a passing fancy.  I’ve written more about Malaysian Airline MH370 having gone missing and, or Gilmore Girls than I have about Ralph Smart.  What is clear though, is that these types of commenters, have not read anything else that I’ve written in the nearly 5 years that I’ve been writing this blog. These commenters come in here because they’ve done a search for Smart and found this blog amongst search results.  That’s all that they’ve read.  End of story.

However, let’s get down to brass tacks here.  If these types of commenters have done a search for Smart on Google or whatever search engines they’ve used, they are seeking further information about him, themselves.  The question of “why” is moot but, in reality, I suspect it’s that they, themselves are questioning something about Smart in one way or another.

Lastly, I want to stress this one final time.  I used to be a Ralph Smart Junkie.  I watched his videos until I couldn’t see straight in binge watching style.  Like many others, I lapped them up and couldn’t get enough of them…that is….until he became too “New Age-y” for my liking and started going offside with his method of “helping you” and messages.  He’d found a way that appealed more, got him more viewers/subscribers and went off track with it all. I also realized that a lot of his newer videos were re-cycled materials from either his own, older videos (oftentimes, word for word, re-taped) or, could have come out of the fingers of any New Age writer.  The only difference is, he’s speaking his words and judging by the level of maturity that a lot of the grunge commenters have used in their comments, I’d say that watching a Youtube video is the best that some of these minds can comprehend.  I’d highly doubt that there’s a book out there that they’ve actually read which might lend them more help than Smart’s videos give to them.

Let me make one final point here in summing this up.

Ralph Smart (Infinite Waters Diving Deep) is no different than any other “Spiritual Guru” out there who professes to know the meaning of life to some extent or another.  Like many people of the 80’s, Smart is looking for a way to make a living without having to work a 9 to 5 job and he’s doing it on your minds and brains.  He’s not out to “cure your ills” as tempting as it may be to believe that because he puts out ten to a dozen videos a week or so, for free.  He’s out to make you spend your money on buying his books, his cd’s, his ridiculously priced sessions which go undefined in content.  He’s selling you something whether you believe it or not.  He’s good at it.  He’s found a marketing ploy and he’s using it.  I saw that a long time ago when he started into manifesting and opening your pineal gland in his videos.  That was quite the change from the so-called, “psychologist’s” roots that he began with which, by the way, I am still waiting for someone to prove to me, with solid citations that Smart is indeed a registered psychologist.  There’s none to be found.  The most I could find is an honours B.A. in psychology, split with criminology.  If he’s a psychologist, so am I then.

Please believe whatever it is that you wish to believe about Smart.  Continue watching his videos until your brain explodes because he’s going to keep producing them until he finds a new hook to make money.  No, I don’t want, envy, love or want to be like him in any fashion.  I have a job that earns me enough to be quite comfortable and I enjoy.  This blog is nothing to me but a hobby and, if you are going to spend the time to make a comment that has an infantile or raunchy message to me about Smart, don’t waste your time because those types of comments are simply tossed into the trash bin of this blog’s panel while I chuckle at how well Smart has done with his audiences and messages.  Perhaps, you haven’t tried his Seven Day Vegan Challenge yet and need to?

From my little corner of life, these types of commenters need to get a life of their own and become their own person.  Quit relying upon a cultist like Smart and get on with real life.  Most of all, don’t waste your time on sending me infantile comments or messages.  I consider those who do that type of thing, “Trolls”.

Love, Light and Blessings

Debbie Reynolds Dies One Day After The Death of Her Daughter, Carrie Fisher…

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There’s no need to go through the list of credits for either the late actress/comedienne Carrie Fisher nor, for her mother, actress, Debbie Reynolds.  Their list of accomplishments within the entertainment world has and will be documented by many other sources.  What I wish to express is my deepest condolences to their family.

It was tragic to hear that Carrie Fisher had passed away at the age of 60 but, to hear that her mother, Debbie Reynolds, suffered a stroke while making funeral arrangements for her daughter and passed away only hours later and one day after her daughter’s passing, was both ironic as well as horribly sad news in such a rough year where many stars that we came to love and know, have also passed on both young and old.  There will be some hefty In Memoriams done during award ceremonies in early 2017 which may take up a good chunk of these shows.

While I was not truly a Carrie Fisher fan as much as I was a Debbie Reynold’s fan, I felt both of their losses and took them hard.  That’s not to say that I thought any less of the others in the entertainment business who have passed this year but, more because this appeared to be a mother-daughter bond that even death couldn’t break.

In spite of many tortured years between Fisher and Reynolds (Fisher taking blame for that estrangement by saying that she didn’t want to be Debbie Reynold’s daughter due to her famous mother’s stardom) they had found a way to patch up their differences and were finally able to be together, loving one another.

Sadly, Fisher had drug addictions over the years as well as mental health issues that were also part and party to her issues with her mom. Fisher had smoked weed from the age of 13 then, went on to Cocaine, LSD and possibly other drugs. It’s unclear as to how much she did at this time.  Years and even decades of their lives were ruined and wasted because of these issues.  Fisher, herself, admitted it openly in books she had written, stand-up comedy routines as well as interviews, including one done with Oprah Winfrey.

Reynolds had long ago openly stated that it was heart breaking to watch her daughter in such distress and not wanting her as part of Fisher’s life.  As graciously as she could, Reynolds stated that Fisher had pushed her away and there had been nothing she could do except to hurt.  It was sad for both of them as so much time in Life was wasted that could have been spent together.  The depths of mental health issues and drug addictions cannot be measured except in despair for all parties involved it seems.

What was certain was that Reynolds had been with son, Todd Fisher the morning of December 28, 2016, one day after her only daughter’s passing, distraught, overwhelmed and grieving to make funeral arrangements for Fisher when she was stricken with a stroke.  It was allegedly not the first one this year or last that Reynolds had experienced but, it was the one that would end her life only hours later.

Reynolds had stated to Todd that she just wanted to be with Carrie.  And, so it was.  Her passing only hours after her daughter, Carrie’s death, led her to what we all hope was a reunion of the mother-daughter duo.  Perhaps, there was a bond between mother and child that couldn’t be broken?  Whatever it was, son, Todd Fisher stated “she’s with Carrie”.

As family will now have to plan a double funeral for the pair now, it’s uncertain as to how it will take place or when but, suffice it to say that one can only hope that they are together and at peace, loving one another without condition right now.

From my little corner of life, as sad as it all is, I can see reason, justice, hope and a bond that couldn’t be broken by even death itself.  Prayers go out to their family left behind as they grieve both losses at once.  May they take comfort in the idea that perhaps, just perhaps, they are truly together right now.