Just One of Those Blogging Blah Days

I’m sure every blogger has them.  They’re the days when everything in your life seems like someone pulled the plug out of the bathtub of your life and everything is draining out yet…you don’t have a clue on what to write about that won’t scare off any readers, bore them to tears of have them wondering if you belong in a psychiatric ward, doped on heavy medications.

Yup…I’m having one of those days….months, really.

To make matters worse, it seems that out of everything that I’ve written, Tom Cruise and his marriages seem to be the highest read entries, making everything else seem like a total waste of time and breath.  I’m kind of wishing at this moment that my blog was purely about Tom Cruise.  Problem is, I don’t know the guy or anyone who knows him so the scoops, dishes and dirt on him are as much a mystery to me as they are to everyone who Googles “Tom Cruise” in search of everything they can find out about him.

Really, what do we need to know about Cruise that’s all that fascinating?  He’s had 3 marriages, ruined them all because of his Scientology religious affiliations (where they were using him to begin with as he was a big name that brought attention to the practises of the “church”). His first marriage to Mimi Rogers, who by the way, introduced him to Scientology as her father was part of it.  She was raised on its teachings and the marriage ended by the church’s interference.  That’s how he met Wife number 2, Nicole Kidman.  The church saw to it that Cruise’s philandering ways were heading down the path of meeting Kidman and making her, Wife Number Two. That marriage ended when Cruise’s Scientology involvement became too much for her to deal with and, likely…for other reasons as well.  He has children with his second wife, actress, Nicole Kidman that he’s inducted into the Scientology Hall of Fame and, another child with young actress, Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise…who is terribly spoiled for all intents and purposes and not indoctrinated into the church as mom, Katie, wouldn’t hear of it happening.

Did I say that he’s crazy?  Ok, well…he is. …but, I’ll let you be the judge in this video where he goes off into a rant.  If you can tell me what he’s talking about, please translate for me in the comment section.  I don’t speak Alien.  By the way, if you’re interested in a good laugh, this might be a better video to watch.  It’s a spoof of Cruise’s rant and well done.  There’s actually a few of them.

As a sidenote, rumour has it that Cruise has a “new love”.  Emily Thomas is seemingly, a Katie Holmes “look-a-like” and yes, only 22 years old.  Yes, the now, 54 year old actor seems to like them young.  Maybe, he thinks he’s Noah and going to re-populate the church on his own?  Who knows what runs through the man’s head?  Do we really want to know what runs though his head at all?  Worst of all, who knows what runs through any woman’s head who wants to be with him?  Well, besides money and fame, that is.  However, when they try getting out of the church or the church wants them out, they either have a difficult time of it or, their marriage is meddled with, along with their heads, until they’re running for the hills and keeping their mouths shut.  Mum’s the word, it seems.

EmilyThomas

With that now off of my chest, I digress back to blogging and the effort that it takes to write something coherent and interesting.  I’m in a slump at the moment.  Really, I should stay away from the stats page where I can see the searches that people do and what they are looking for while doing them.

By the way, yes you can eat dessert and lose weight.  I know that’s another popular search many people do.  Type it into the search bar and my piece will come up.  While you’re at it though, would you take a look at some of the other of the pieces that I’ve written?  It might boost my morale for writing a tad again.  Oh yes…and let me know what you think on any of the pieces.  After all, there’s more to this life than Tom Cruise and his marriages.  At least…that’s the way that I see things from my little corner of life.

 

 

 

 

ALL Lives Matter Not Just Black Lives!

The past few days, Toronto, Canada and the world, have had to sit back and watch the antics of a tiny, almost negligible group of self-titled “Queer” Black Activist women, stop a Gay Pride Parade with a sit-in and hold everyone hostage until their “demands” were met by parade organizers, signing their letter in order to get the parade moving.  Their chief gripe was “Black Inclusion” and police “exclusion” from the parade.

I refuse to put up a photo of them here as it only gives that group more attention, which is what they are wanting more than anything else.

It’s hard to even type out the name of this tiny group, started by 2 women who call themselves “activists” but, media keeps giving them attention everywhere they go and therefore, Black Lives Matter-TO, will keep on staging sit-ins and protests with one main theme…Blacks are treated unfairly by police.

Keep in mind that we’re talking about Canada here.  We’re a far-cry from other countries in policing or treatment of the Black Communities.  Are we perfect? No, but this country certainly isn’t “bad” by any means of the word.

This group chose the name of a member of the Black Community who was killed by police over a year ago on which to form a platform.  It was un-justified given that the majority of deaths of members of the Black Community, are killed in cold-blooded murders by other members of the Black Community.  Apparently, Blacks, killing other Blacks with guns and knives in bold, aimed and directed murders by the dozens is “ok” but, let a White police officer kill a member of the Black Community (justified or not) and all hell breaks loose.  Protests, rants, cries of long-gone slavery and mistreatment, again rear their ugly heads as guilt inducers to the White Community.

What’s sad is that White Canadians appear to be the staunchest defenders.  During a 3 day-long Twitterfest’s worth of rants, the most hardened of Tweeters backing this small group’s highjacking of one of the world’s largest Gay Pride Parades for 30 minutes, were Whites who seemed to be saying that they were feeling some form of guilt for being White.

Sadly, while the Black Lives Matter-TO group claimed “victory” in holding up a parade with demands that had little, if anything to do with Gay Pride, what they didn’t see was that they actually did more harm to their cause than they did good.

There are members of the Gay Community on Toronto’s Police Force and to hear that they were no longer welcomed at the parade, no police float and Pride Organizers signed the demand list, prompted police to be upset, angered and have one Homosexual officer write a letter with his feelings towards this topic.  His letter can be read HERE.  In this case, the only things worse than being a White police officer is being a Gay/Black police officer.  Toronto has a Black Police Chief by the way.  Mark Saunders.

What blows this all out of proportion for me is that these activists are promoting “anti-white” thinking.  All of their “Black Rights” propaganda is working against the idea unity of the world with no colours, only people.  They are isolating Black from White or any other colours.  They are pro-Black and seem to be saying “nobody else matters”.  They’ve gone so far as to say that they “own” the phrase “Black Lives Matter” and any take-off on it such as “All Lives Matter” are taken from them.  There isn’t a patent on the phrase with their name on it anywhere but, let them think what they want.  They will anyway.

If members of the Black Communities think that they’re getting a rotten deal, they obviously don’t care about anyone else’s struggles in this world.  One need only look as far as Honour Killings to find horrid atrocities.  Articles like THIS ONE simply make one shake their heads in disbelief that what this particular minuscule group of women are complaining about, is laughable by comparison.  Where is their outrage over situations like this where women are being murdered by their own parents, brothers and family because they married outside of an arranged marriage by their families?  Any gripes that BLM-TO has, pales by comparison to this type of practise and makes their demands and protests all seem laughable.

If the Black Community in Toronto want to be treated differently, they need to stand up to their own children and communities by taking a good, hard and long look at what their own youth are doing rather than blaming police for doing a job that they, themselves wouldn’t want to do.  They need to pinch themselves and remind themselves that if Black youths weren’t out gunning one another down, taking innocent by-standers with them, there wouldn’t need to be police intervention.  If the majority of gang-related troubles weren’t heavily practised by Black youth, police wouldn’t be down their backs or anywhere around them.  The reality is, it’s easier to blame others than to sort out their own dirty laundry first.

Like it or not, this is what I’ve been seeing from my little corner of life and I’m being reminded of it daily as criminal events in my own neighbourhood and the loss of a friend of mine as an innocent by-stander in a running gun fight between members of the Black Community (as they call it) over a “dis” have been in my face with eyes wide open in my own life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Can Helping, Caring and Loving Too Much Drive People Away?

If you’ve been following my blog at all, you’ll likely come to recognize that my adult-daughter has taken off to be with a narcissistic, controlling Jerk with severe emotional, social and mental issues who smokes weed and, in reading my last entry, you will know that my husband is somewhat less than a stellar listener, likely locked within his own little world more than 90% of the time.  In other words, I don’t have either of them.

If I were reading my own words, I’d be thinking, “hmmm…must be her.  She’s driving people away!”

Honestly, I wouldn’t blame you if you were thinking that as I’ve wondered the same thing and asked myself the same thing, over and over and over again, grinding myself into the floor, stomping on myself and beating myself up a bit more just for good measure.

However, after a lot of therapy sessions where I’ve posed this scenario, 10 or more notebooks worth of journalling, 3 copies of cognitive therapy books worn out and replaced each time, I’ve come to the conclusion that yes, it is me that’s to blame.

Now, before you say “ah-ha…thought so…”, let me say that I’m not a Fish Wife, nagger or someone who simply gets under someone else’s skin.  Those aren’t the causes of both my husband and my daughter being as they are with me.  As a matter of fact, you might recognize this “flaw/fault” within yourself too and it may be the reason why some of your relationships are or have been literally, kicking/kicked you in the ass.

I’m going to admit something here that I have been told and are thinking about for a long time.

I mother and help people far too much.

That sounds a lot like back-patting rather than an admission of any blame, fault or flaw, doesn’t it but, let me assure you that it is a wart that drives people away for several reasons.

  1. The people you help come to resent you.  Unbelievably, at some point or another, helping others too much, turns against you because people feel “weak” around you.  They know that you know their weaknesses and they don’t want to be around you once they no longer have the issues that you were helping them with in the first place.  You remind them of those times and no one wants to remember their weakest times especially, if they were chronic.
  2. Mothering everyone is nice when others want and need it but eventually, you actually start becoming too caring, concerned and they see you as being more of a pain-in-the-ass when they want to do things on their own.  As an adult, when someone is constantly swooping in to “clean up the boo-boo’s and make it all better”, people come to a point where your maternal help is more annoying than anything else.  They need to fall and make mistakes, get scrapes and cuts, bruises and broken bones and hearts in order to grow.  If you’re taking that away by softening the blows or preventing their need to do things as grown-ups, you’re stunting their growth and they will resent you for it at some point or another and want to break free of your “smothering”.
  3. You’re seen as controlling even if that’s not your intentions.  You’d think that helping others and mothering them, would somehow endear you to them, wouldn’t you?  However, that’s not the case.  Even the laziest or most inept person on this planet, eventually comes to see someone who is constantly there, helping, hand-holding, telling them how to deal with their issues (no matter how kind-hearted you were in giving it all to them) as “controlling” them.  They eventually come to the point where, again…they feel smothered and come to resent it.  It is looked upon as a form of control on your part rather than a loving gesture or set of gestures.

This is the point where I am at with both my husband and my daughter.  I cared too much. I loved too much.  I couldn’t stand to see either of them fumble, fall, get hurt or be in pain of any kind so, I’d try to help sort things out for them and yes….”mother them” silly.  I gave far too much of myself to both of them and I am paying for it dearly now through both rejection on my daughter’s part and by distancing himself on my husband’s part.

If you truly want people to be in your life fully, STOP CARING SO MUCH!

While that may sound counter-intuitive, it’s not.  It’s what will keep people in your life more than not.  For all of the above reasons, it’s important to take a giant step back from the situation and get yourself in check.  Ask yourself if you really need to help them.  Look at the situation and size it up for what it is.  Slap yourself if you have to but, ask yourself if they fell, got hurt or felt “pain”, would they really fall apart or, would they learn from it?  If you can answer “no, they won’t fall apart and yes, they will learn from it,” remain standing back and let it happen.  If they really want you, they will ask but, stop swooping in like a guardian angel, ready to take over all of their problems for them.  Not only will they learn and grow from it but, they won’t resent you.

I’ve learned a valuable lesson from being hit across the head one too many times.  I don’t intend on continuing to help or mother the world.  I’m turning down the volume on caring quite so much and I’m finding both my blood pressure as well as my anxiety levels dropping.  Carrying everyone else’s issues on your shoulders and making it your responsibility is a heavy load to keep carrying around especially, when you’re losing people anyway.  Something has to give so it may as well be other people’s problems rather than you and your self-esteem.

From my little corner of life, I can see where my energy is better placed and that is…into my own needs, wants and more importantly…me!

 

Does My Husband Really Hear Me Or Is he Ignoring Me?

yelling

It sounds laughable and perhaps, even comical….sometimes….but, for the most part, it’s become more than simply an annoyance when your husband is constantly asking you “what?” after everything you say to him, including long explanations.  There isn’t enough time nor, energy in the world to keep repeating every word you say or have said over a day’s time.  It’s exhausting to say the least.  I’d wring his neck but, it’s illegal.

I’m not joking when I write that everything that I say to the man, literally, has to be said 2, 3 or 4 times before he “hears it” and, I practically have to be yelling where he takes offence.  Worse than that, he has no hearing problems.  I should know because I sent him to have his hearing checked, telling him that I would definitely apologize to him if he did have a hearing impairment.  His tests came back “perfect hearing”.

The man hears what he wants to hear.  If there’s someone he wants to talk to or there’s a ball game on television, in spite of traffic noise that could drown out a fog horn, he hears.

So, what are the potential issues if an audiologist has deemed him with no hearing loss or problems and he can’t hear me when I’m right beside him?

  • The tone of my voice gets drowned out.  Perhaps, there’s a certain frequency that he “tunes out of” and my voice is one of them?  Wouldn’t surprise most women, I’m sure to know that their husbands are quite capable of attuning their brains to only understanding frequencies that don’t match those of their spouses. However, that doesn’t hold water much because I’ve tried changing the pitch of my voice and changing what I’m saying to him.  No winners there.
  • He doesn’t want to hear me ask him to do anything.  That might be a possibility except that I could be saying “dinner is ready” and he doesn’t seem to hear that either.
  • His brain cannot process what his ears pick up. That would fit the bill if he couldn’t comprehend the football, baseball or soccer games via radio or one of his buddies’ phone calls over a small cell phone.  He can understand all that so, I have to assume that it’s not that his brain can’t compute.
  • He’s lost in his own little world and only hears what he selectively wants to hear better than 90% of the time.  This is more than likely the cause of his “hearing loss” when it comes to my voice.

I’m betting that it’s the last idea that is his problem.  He’s likely allowing himself to be lost in an inner world of some making that he only comes out of when it’s convenient for him or, he wants to be out of it because there’s something more interesting for him when out of it.  That must mean that he finds me either terribly boring or, he’s really avoiding responsibilities or being asked to do anything or, that the little world he seems to dwell in, is really exciting.  Or, it could mean that it’s so peaceful in there, being empty that he loves being there.  I’d say it’s exciting but, he doesn’t appear to have many insightful thinking of his own. At least, not from what I hear coming from his mouth to me or anyone else for that matter.  There’s no “light bulb moments” that he has or expresses.  As a matter of fact, he seems to express very little other than surface conversation with anyone I’ve ever seen him talk to.  He also quickly seems to be able to snap out of it when there’s “blame” placed upon him for not doing something because he’s extremely quickly heard every word and responded with an “if you can do better….you do it,” type answer.

Whatever the issue is or, whatever the reason is for him not hearing me or my voice, I’m tired.  Repeating everything 2, 3 or 4 times is totally mind-blowingly exhausting.  I’ve even begun sentences with nonsense words such as “gobbledeegook” to see if he’ll budge an inch.  Nope.  Nothing is said…not even a “what?”  Does that mean that he hears my voice but, could care less about anything that I have to say?  Perhaps, my next sentence should start with…”I’m having a torrid love affair with…..” and wonder if he’ll hear that?  If he claps with glee….he’s been drowning out my voice and is totally tired and fed-up with me.

The real issue here is that I could be in trouble, dying or needing help quickly and the man just doesn’t hear me.  What then?  Is it Life Alert for me next?  May as well.  At least “it” will hear me.

From my little corner of life, I’m wiped right out of trying to talk to him and, likely won’t be uttering more than I absolutely have to anymore.  In fact, any time that I do have to speak to him about anything since we live in the same house, I’m going to be sure to stand 2 inches from his face, literally be up in it, catch his attention speak really slowly, enunciating every word as though speaking to a nearly deaf person and perhaps, between his hearing and lip reading, he’ll get what I’m saying.  I’ll reserve my energy the rest of the time for pillow punching, instead.

Maybe….I just need to run away from home?

 

 

 

 

I Wrote My Daughter An Apology But Is It Enough?

writing an email

 

I wrote an email  to my adult-daughter today.  It is sad that I cannot communicate with her in any other way after over 7 months of her estrangement from her father and I but, it was the only way that I can now communicate with her.  Even then, I am not sure that she will get it or read it but, again…there seems to be no other way as she will not pick up the phone when I call or respond to voicemail messages.

This is not the first “walk-off” that she’s pulled on us.  Actually, this is the third time and each time that she’s done this, it’s become harder and harder to hold back emotions and think rationally.  Part of me wants to scream, grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her while the other part keeps telling me that I must remain logical, rational and thinking versus being the angry, hurt, emotional wreck that I am.

All of this seems to have come about because of an extremely messed up man that she’s chosen to live with.  Her lifestyle is that of a teenager, living in a Frat house, smoking weed, living from paycheque to paycheque.  He has no drive nor ambition to get ahead in life or better their situation.  He talks a good game but, his actions are more telling.  There are none.  His motives are clear to see through as he has systematically worked on her mind to isolate her from everything and everyone who may threaten the safety of his control and relationship with her.  Gone are all of her friends and her family.  He barely works and when he does, it’s in a job that was created by his father who is now elderly and in his late, golden years.  This man sees his family when he does work because it’s a family business but, he has managed to get himself kicked out of his own family’s gatherings over not being able to smoke weed while in the company of family friends, in a dedicated smoking area.  Neither of them have family events that they will attend or can attend now.  Yet, they say weed is non-addictive.  Perhaps, that is so but, he has certainly proven that one can become dependent upon it.

Our daughter was raised quite differently than I was raised.  Having come from a family, riddled with alcoholism, I made a decision to never put her through the horrors of living with substance abuse and all that comes with it.  I got myself for counselling the moment I left the house and continued with therapy long after many of my family had died from alcohol related issues.  In short, I gave her everything that I couldn’t and didn’t get during my childhood and teenaged years of life.  She received love, support, praise, ego-boosting, self-esteem building and every advantage that we could afford to give to her so that she would have a great start in life.  It back-fired on us with the inclusion of a messed up, drug dependent jerk who worked on whatever he could to convince her that she belonged with him.

Today’s letter was one of “apology”.  I apologized on her father’s and my behalf (with my husband’s blessings).  We explained why we gave her so much and how it likely caused her to have issues with facing “the real world”.  She was handed everything we could afford to give her materialistically was well as emotionally.  It was probable that she had to face the realities of the harshnesses of a “cold world” unprepared because no one else would see her as we did and, how hard we figured it must have been on her to have dealt with the stark differences she must have faced.  I also explained that we still love her and that we wanted her in our lives but, that she also must understand that we are people too and we have boundaries which we should have set up much more strongly a long time ago.  We did her no favours by sheltering her from harshnesses.

It’s likely that she will allow The Jerk to read this email and it’s extremely likely that both of them will twist and turn the sincerity of those words that were written into some seething plot to control her or whatever else the two of them can cook up while smoking up.  I have little doubt that our thoughts and words will have the opposite meaning than we meant by the time The Jerk and she finish discussing it all and, we’ll still be back at Square One and without her in our lives.

Frankly, this was one last desperate attempt at letting our daughter know that she is loved, wanted and that we’ve been working on trying to find a way to deal with her choices but, also let her know that she cannot expect that we will always be able to support her decisions or lack of them.  It was also a last ditch attempt at letting her know that we know we weren’t “perfect parents” by any means of the word but, we tried and where we think we may have failed and why.  Should this email fail to convince her that we are sincere and still love her, making her re-think her stances and choices…I am done.  There is nothing more for either of us to say or do after this and it will have to be faced that we no longer have a daughter as part of our lives.  As a matter of fact, she is our only child so, we will have to accept the idea that we have no children in our lives.  That is beyond all comprehension for me as we both wanted children but, were only blessed with the one.

So, as she sits in the tiny, cramped apartment that is falling down around their ears, smoking hundreds of dollars worth of weed every month, debt up past their earlobes, him barely working, credit rating so bad that they cannot even get a lease on another apartment, her sleeping on a couch because he’s eating and snoring all night after his smoking-up all day, I can only hope that something, somehow, somewhere, clicks into her mind and she wakes up to what her choices have brought her from and led her towards.  I can only hope that all of those years of raising her the best way that we knew how and with all of the love, time, effort and energy that we put into her and her future will be remembered.  I can only have faith that the love we have given her, shown her and instilled with her, are still there.  There is no other thing to hope for than the idea that she still has enough love for us to not allow a totally messed up individual throw away over 3 decades of her life and all that went with it.  If she allows that to happen…sadly….she is lost and there is no choice but to give up on trying with her.  There’s only so much blood that one can swallow and only so many tears one can shed before reality has to set in.  That reality is that she is “gone/lost”.

My 60th birthday will creep up in July of this year (2016) and it’s as likely that I won’t have her around to celebrate it with me as it that she won’t be around.  I’ve seen 3 therapists who have tried to give me helpful suggestions.  I’ve tried them all and more.  As one of them has wisely said, “don’t give up hope”.  I am all but out of hope and this was my last try at hanging onto it.

From my little corner of life, I am trying to hang onto hope but, be a realist as well.  I cannot allow myself to be taken down totally.  I fought far too hard to allow what I’ve worked so hard to gain within myself, healing the scars left behind in myself from my own childhood and trying to live a life that is fruit-filled and productive to let it all slip away to a jerk and weed.  I will not allow either to take that from me.  I know what I’ve done, how hard I fought and how far I came.  Equally, I know that I was and am a Good Parent.  They cannot take those thoughts from me but, I struggle in hanging onto “hope” now.

 

 

Are The Gen Xers Partially To Blame For The Millennial Generation’s Issues

millennials-stock

Having finished listening to a whack of Ted Talk Youtube videos on “The Millennials” and why they are the way that they are, I’m exhausted.

In case you’re not familiar with the term “Millennials”, they are the generation of kids who were born from (some say) 1981 to 2000 or (in other cases) 1980 to the 1990’s.  It varies, depending upon where you get your information.  However, suffice to say, the “Gen Xer’s” or those born before 1960 and post WWII…are their parents and apparently, to blame for what bashing they have taken over their “ill actions” and “attitudes”.

Here comes the terms that Millennials hate the most, “entitled, lazy, narcissistic and self-centered”.   These are the labels that Millennials have been given in a widespread fashion or generality and Millennials hate them.

Only one question here, “who wouldn’t hate them?”

Well, as it turns out, a lot of the Millennials do portray tendencies towards narcissistic behaviours and attitudes.  They don’t like working jobs that they feel are “beneath them” as they “went to university and were FORCED to do so”.  They have respect but, for a lot of them, they respect themselves more than anyone else on this planet, including the Gen Xers/Baby Boomer parents who raised them, gave them love and care, housed and fed them and may still be doing so as well as sacrificed their own needs in order to send them off to college/universities all over the planet if they wanted to go.  We’re also the ones who bought them cars, cell phones and didn’t push them to get jobs flipping hamburgers or scrubbing down toilets to make any money that they could.  We did those types of jobs to help out our parents and they sucked.  Why make our precious children do that when we can grab another mortgage or work 2 jobs or go way beyond our retirement years to pay back the debt we got ourselves into for them so that they wouldn’t have to do those types of jobs?

Let’s not get too ahead by patting ourselves on the back just yet though.

Gen Xers/Baby Boomers ARE partially at fault for our children’s mental and emotional situations right now.  If we have narcissists on our hands who aren’t working and may be still living at home with us, it is our faults in a sense.  We raised them.  We taught them to be like this.  How can they help it?  It’s what we taught them to be.

Scratching your head yet?  Wondering where I am coming from?

First of all, we were the generation who decided that we weren’t going to be able to live “Leave It To Beaver” lives where June Cleaver stayed at home and cleaned house, cooked and served dinner in dresses, pearls and heels with a tiny, crisp white apron on.  We were the generation who had been part of a Women’s Liberation movement in one way or another and damn it….we were going to work too so that our generation could afford more than our parent’s generations could.  We were going to give our kids more than what we had and screw it…we were going to give our children a sense of self with esteem coming out their flipping little ears.

We read books on how to raise children.  Hell, we could have given birth to our own children if we’d wanted to through classes, books and instructional videos (albeit, VHS versions if we were lucky) on how to give birth.  We were determined to be THE best parents the world had ever seen from conception through until we ourselves, needed diapers in our old age.  Our children would never have to go without or hurt if we could help it.  The “Experts” all told us how to do this, right?

From Lamaze Class, back to work to raising a teenager who we scrimped and saved to send to college or university, we were parents and we did everything we could to make our kids happy and have a sense of self-esteem.  Gone were the days when people had to stay in marriages because the woman couldn’t afford to take their children and leave but, most of us stayed in our marriages because…we wanted a unified and balanced home life for our precious Millennial children….the next generation of well-adjusted, self-reliant, well educated, most privileged children we could possibly raise, even if it killed us doing so.

It was the Gen Xers/Baby Boomer generation who decided that giving children trophies, badges or some other reward for simply showing up or putting any effort into what they did was appropriate.  It was our generation who decided that “team participation was more important than winning” and gave them rewards for even being on a team of any kind.  Every kid made it into something, good, bad or indifferent.  Every child who tried, was recognized in a good way.  Every child’s self-esteem was boosted so that nothing was ever “wrong”.  At worst, it was a “good attempt but, try something else” type of stance.

Laws were changed so that youths were no longer punished as adults and that still stands in a lot of countries.  Schools adopted the “no touch or hands-off” approach and teachers were no longer even able to restrain an out of control child as that involved “touching”.  Principles called teachers into offices with parents there to crucify the teacher’s admonishment to little “Billy or Sue” because the teacher’s words “hurt their feelings and put them into a grave emotional state”.

“It’s unfair to our children,” we screamed at every turn of a corner and every chance we got to stand up for them while they played cruder versions of video games at home, on the couches (and we wonder why we have overweight issues with children now).

We sacrificed to buy them everything we could possibly afford to give them including cars, electronics, video games, and never pushed them.  Hell, we even pushed to have special help at school for them so that they wouldn’t feel left behind in any way.  If that wasn’t enough, our generation decided that every child should be pushed ahead a grade no matter what their grades so that they could be socially on par with the rest of their peer group and friends.

In short, it didn’t matter what the Millennials did or didn’t do, Mom and Dad as well as Society, were all behind them.  They couldn’t fail or do much “wrong”.

Is it any wonder that there’s an entire generation of kids, running around this world today who feel entitled to being handed everything?  Is it of any question that we have kids who feel that The Universe revolves or, should…around them and their wishes, needs and egos?  Furthermore, is it any real mystery why this generation had social issues where they’d back-stab one another if needed to get what they wanted?

These kids are now in their late teens/early 20’s through to their 30’s and we’re actually still bowing down to them because they demand it.  They’re unwilling to work jobs that are beneath their level of education and they blame us because we “forced them to go to university/college”.  They expect White Collar jobs because they trained for that, not blue collar work for the most part.  Those who are still able to get Blue Collar jobs are those who went into trades and they expect an extraordinary salary or they won’t work either.

Worse than anything, these kids have egos the size of a city block or bigger.  With heads stuck in cell phones and computers, on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and every other conceivable social media, they complain about the world and their lives.  They have zero respect for the most part for anyone else and boy are they opinionated!  They know it all.  We can’t tell them a thing.  As a matter of fact, the only thing they want us to tell them is that it’s ok to still stay living with us, well into their 30’s or more and what time dinner will be on the table for them so that they can get out with other Millennials who are doing the same things.

I digress though.  They are spoiled.  That’s the bottom line here.  We taught them to respect themselves more than anything or anyone else on this planet, including us.  We gave them everything and every benefit of the doubt and now, they feel entitled to everything or they will find something or someone else to blame for their lack of ability to deal with Life.  The sad thing is, they are right.  We ARE to blame.  We created little narcissistic monsters for the most part and it’s not easy to get them out of this state of thinking and being.

They are now adults or, at least, most of them are at this point in time.  They are old enough to understand a lot more than what we believe they should comprehend.  They are still our children…even if they are adults.  We still have the ability to teach them that we and Society aren’t always going to serve them everything on a silver platter or give them a trophy for getting up in the morning.  They are going to have to pick themselves up, dust their asses off and get moving in Life.  No…it’s not easy.  No…it’s not what they have been used to but, damn it…the world has changed and so must they change to suit it, not the other way around.

As a Gen Xer/Baby Boomer parent with an estranged Millennial-Adult-Child who blames everything and everyone, including her father and I for all of the woes in her life no matter what choices she’s made or not made, I have seen the damage that’s been done and I have taken a stance in changing that by no longer tolerating abuse nor in handing everything to her.  Her temper tantrums no longer work on us.  Her blame no longer works on us.  We may not see her or hear from her but, it’s much like taking someone from a cushy sofa and throwing them outside the door, into the world and saying, “someone’s got to teach you that you can’t keep on living this way!”  The soft approach hasn’t worked.  She’s a much stronger narcissistic, entitled, monster than we thought and it’s partially our fault.

Fix what we created if we can..at least….that’s the way that I’m seeing things from my little corner of life.

What are your thoughts on this matter?  Comment!  I’m listening.

 

 

Dirty Dancing: Did “Baby” and Johnny Stay Together?

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There are few movies that I absolutely adore but, if I had to name one, I’d have to say that “Dirty Dancing”, 1987 with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey has to be my all time favourite.  Having watched the movie several dozen times, I know the lines before they are said and often quote them during opportunistic moments to be comical.

For those of you who know the movie, I’m sure that you have the same question that most of us were left with…

“What happened after that final night at Kellerman’s?  Did Baby and Johnny stay together or did they go their own separate ways?”

While it could have gone either way, I think the majority of us wanted to believe that Baby and Johnny did continue on after that and ended up happily wed with babes on their knees and adoring grandparents by the babies’ sides.

The other way it could have gone could have been that it was simply what it appeared to be…a “summer romance” that ended or faded away shortly after that Labour Day Weekend where Johnny went back to dancing or into the trade of painting and plastering and Baby went to college then, into the Peace Corps, Daddy still loving her.

There’s really 2 reasons why it might have been left open ended like this.

The first and most likely reason is that the writers and producers decided to take artistic license and leave it up to the viewer’s imaginations thus, making it whatever the viewer wanted it to be.  Nice way to please everyone, isn’t it?

The second reason might have more to do with the idea that if they left it open ended, there was room for a potential future sequel where fans of the movie could catch up with Johnny and Baby to find out whether they were together or had drifted apart and were coming back together again.

Either way, there was the possibility that everyone could be pleased.

Frankly, I always held the ending that Johnny and Baby did continue their romance beyond that summer.  That’s just my imagination, of course but then again, this was a fictional piece from someone else’s imagination.

What I didn’t know until about an hour prior to writing this piece was that there was an ending that gave up that answer.  They chose to leave it on the cutting room floor for likely the reasons that I have given above.

To watch this deleted scene with the answer, WATCH HERE.

Ending this here as there will never be a sequel done to Dirty Dancing with Patrick Swayze since he had sadly passed away in Sept. of 2009 with Pancreatic Cancer, I will leave all Dirty Dancing Fans with this famous and probably the best, most beloved and remembered scene in the entire movie, filled with symbolism and romance that still sweeps women’s hearts away….THE FINAL DANCE SCENE TO “DIRTY DANCING”.